COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged victim

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How to Deal with Rejection, or Being Victimised

1. Remind yourself of who you really are – and use positive self-talk to change the way you feel.

2. When you have to speak to someone who outwardly rejects you, or makes you feel bad about yourself, try to act as if you love and feel good about yourself. Fake courageous feelings, and act self confident. (“Fake it till you make it” – and you’ll find your feelings change.)

3. Respond in a friendly, self respecting way – and they’re likely to treat you the same way too.  Control your interactions by setting the tone. You be the one to have the upper hand.

4. Use humour in uncomfortable and awkward situations. Humour defuses tension, and puts people at ease. If someone is rude or insulting try to find a way of turning it into a joke. People who have bullying tendencies expect you to get anger or act in a defensive way. When you respond with humor, they don’t know what to do.

5. Overlook small stuff. It’s not worth get upset over every little thing. They’re not worth the effort and energy.

6. Always believe in yourself. You know the truth about who you really are. You’re not stupid; you’re not a victim. You are one who is charge of your life, and is at the helm of your destiny. You have plenty of things to feel good about, and you’re going to make something really wonderful of life.

Filed under counselling psychology therapy rejection victim relationships self help self improvement mental health mental illness self esteem online counselling college

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Are you they type of person who gets victimised?

The following questions will help you determine if you’re the type of person who becomes a victim.

1.    Do you tend to stay quiet in relationships instead of confidently asking for what you want?

2.    Do you feel inadequate on your own, and only feel worthwhile if you are part of a couple?

3.    Has a girlfriend or boyfriend, at some point in the past, been able to isolate you from your friends?

4.    Are you too much of a people pleaser?

5.    Do you desperately want and need to be loved?

6.    Do you bury and suppress your anger and resentment?

7.    Do you find it hard to say NO to others, and to set and maintain healthy boundaries?

8.    Would you describe yourself as being over-responsible?

9.    Do you struggle with feelings of false guilt and shame?

10. Do you desperately want to be noticed and affirmed?

11. Do you lose your unique self if in your relationships with others?

12. Do you find hard to disagree with others?

13. Are you the kind of person who takes care of others but doesn’t really take care of themselves?

14.  Do you give more than the other person in close relationships?

15. Are you always saying “sorry”; do you tend to assume that everything “bad” is your fault?

16. Are you a bit on the gullible side; are you easily taken in by others?

17. Do you allow other people to squash your spirit, and suffocate your creativity?

18. Do you tend to ignore that nagging inner voice and to blindly hope that everything will be OK?

19. In relationship, do you pretend that any problems “are no big deal” as you’d rather avoid them, than address them properly?

20. Do you tend to forgive too easily?

Filed under counselling psychology therapy mental illness mental health relationship self help self improvement victim abuse online counselling college

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Are you ‘victim’ material?

The following questions will help you determine if you’re the type of person who becomes a victim.

1.    Do you tend to stay quiet in relationships instead of confidently asking for what you want?

2.    Do you feel inadequate on your own, and only feel worthwhile if you are part of a couple?

3.    Has a girlfriend or boyfriend, at some point in the past, been able to isolate you from your friends?

4.    Are you too much of a people pleaser?

5.    Do you desperately want and need to be loved?

6.    Do you bury and suppress your anger and resentment?

7.    Do you find it hard to say NO to others, and to set and maintain healthy boundaries?

8.    Would you describe yourself as being over-responsible?

9.    Do you struggle with feelings of false guilt and shame?

10. Do you desperately want to be noticed and affirmed?

11. Do you lose your unique self if in your relationships with others?

12. Do you find hard to disagree with others?

13. Are you the kind of person who takes care of others but doesn’t really take care of themselves?

14.  Do you give more than the other person in close relationships?

15. Are you always saying “sorry”; do you tend to assume that everything “bad” is your fault?

16. Are you a bit on the gullible side; are you easily taken in by others?

17. Do you allow other people to squash your spirit, and suffocate your creativity?

18. Do you tend to ignore that nagging inner voice and to blindly hope that everything will be OK?

19. In relationship, do you pretend that any problems “are no big deal” as you’d rather avoid them, than address them properly?

20. Do you tend to forgive too easily?

Filed under counselling psychology therapy victim mental illness self improvement self awareness self help self-esteem online counselling college

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Profile of a Victim

It seems that certain individuals are more likely to be victims – and it’s partly to do with their life experiences. For example, they have often been abused by their parents as children, or they’ve witnessed abusive in their close relationships. Hence, they now find it hard to enforce good boundaries, or to see abuse as wrong, or as something to resist.

Also, the profile a victim shows they generally share the following common traits and characteristics:

·         Low self-esteem and feeling inferior to others; feeling as if they don’t deserve to be valued and respected

·         Feelings of anxiety and insecurity

·         Having a submissive personality

·         Depending on others – psychologically, emotionally and financially

·         Being excessively tolerant and accommodating

·         Believing that they need to be “looked after” or controlled by others

·         Not believing they can cope and succeed on their own

·         Not being able to stand up for their rights; not realizing that they have rights

·         Naively believing (or unrealistically hoping) that one day the abusing individual will change

·         Thinking it’s all their fault

Filed under abuse counselling life online counselling college psychology relationships self esteem therapy victim bullying