COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged self help

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10 Steps to Self Care

1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.
2. Say “exactly” what you mean.
3. Don’t be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak badly about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dreams.
7. Don’t be afraid to say “no”.
8. Don’t be afraid to say “yes”.
9. Resist the need to always have control.
10. Stay away from drama and negativity – as much as possible.
Source: Lessons Learned in Life

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You can’t trust your feelings

Although we would all like to trust our feelings, they are not a good guide for the ways things really are. They are often fickle and irrational – and not an accurate measure of reality. As you’ve probably discovered:

1. Feelings vary depending on our health. If we’re sick we often feel despondent and blah.

2. Feelings vary depending on our hormones – which is why doctors recognize and treat PMS.

3. Feelings vary depending on events and the changing circumstances of our life. If things are going wrong, or we’re highly stressed, we feel inadequate and overwhelmed.

4. Feelings are affected by relationships. If we fall in love we feel happy and elated; if a relationship breaks up we feel rejected and depressed.

5. Feelings vary depending on the weather. If it’s sunny we feel happy and optimistic; if it’s cloudy and grey, we feel morose and negative.

6. Feelings can depend on the way we’re being treated. If someone in a store is rude to us, we may react with anger, or even feel ashamed.

7. Feelings are affected by our actions at the time. If we do something kind we feel good about ourselves; and if we’ve hurt someone’s feelings we may feel some regret.

So don’t react and respond based on feelings alone. Always use your mind as well – and check your thoughts are accurate.

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Being raised in an unstable household makes you understand that the world doesn’t exist to accommodate you, which… is something a lot of people struggle to understand well into their adulthood. It makes you realize how quickly a situation can shift, how danger really is everywhere. But crises when they occur, do not catch you off guard; you have never believed you lived under a shelter of some essential benevolence. And an unstable childhood makes you appreciate calmness and not crave excitement.
Curtis Sittenfeld

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10 Things that can Wreck your Life

1. Not living in the moment. Always wishing you were somewhere else, doing something different with other people.

2. Blaming your problems on your past. Although the past affects us, it need not define us. We can choose, decide and act – and take control of our lives. Don’t let the heartache from the past define who you become.

3. Running away from problems. It’s crazy just to bury your head in the sand and act like are fine when you’re dealing with a mess. Face reality, take action and work to turn life round.

4. Being ungrateful. Being thankful sets you free in your heart and mind. It inspires all that’s good - and, also, oils relationships. But an ungrateful person will wear others down. It destroys your spirit, so you feel down and depressed.

5. Being angry and bitter. Refusing to forgive, and bearing grudges against others, will slowly poison your life and your personality. It’s much better to release them and to focus, instead, on living a happy and fulfilling life.

6. Letting your expectations rule your life. Life rarely goes smoothly and according to plan – and people disappoint us and let us down. Accepting this is normal takes some tension out of life.

7. Disrespecting yourself and others. Every single person deserves respect, and every single person is fighting their own battle. So focus on being kind, understanding and forgiving.

8. Neglecting important relationship. A relationship that’s built on unconditional love – where a person accepts us for who and what we are – is truly a gift and is worth fighting for. Don’t take it for granted – recognise that it’s a gift.

9. Loving people who are bad for us. Not every person will build into your life. Be aware of those who who’ll use you, or who want to bring you down, or who want to hurt you, or destroy your confidence.

10. Never taking risks. If you always play it safe, you’ll find you end up going nowhere. You must be ready to take risks - or you will miss so much in life.

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If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve to never ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side.
It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it’s one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you’ll ever do.
Stephen Fry

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