COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged self confidence

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Help with Learning to Love Yourself

1. Treat other people with kindness and respect. Choosing to bring joy to other people’s lives will increase your happiness and self respect. Also, often when we treat other people well, they start to treat us in the same way, too.

2. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a product and a victim of your past.  Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

3. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to point 2, don’t punish yourself for past failings and regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself.  That was then – this is now … You are different - so move on.

4. Keep a journal where you write your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to savour those emotions and a build a memory trace of all that’s good and positive. When you’re feeling negative, try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not treating yourself like your worst enemy.

5. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. So work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to work on changing – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

6. Trust yourself. You’re not here to please others. Learn to trust your intuition.  You can trust you own judgments as you know what’s best for you.

7. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

8. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

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How to Improve your Confidence

1. Be willing to fail more often - as that means you’re taking on more challenges, and being prepared to try, learn and grow.

2. Keep track of improvements, positive changes, successes, growth and accomplishments.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. Also, we have an unhelpful tendency to compare our struggles with other peoples’ successes and high points.

4. Work on your posture and your fitness levels as they affect our appearance, and how we feel about ourselves.

5. Don’t just hang out with people you are comfortable with. Also, gravitate towards those who are new or different.

6. We’re influenced by those that we spend time with. So, make friends with people who seem warm and confident.

7. Be a true friend to yourself – and shut off the commentary that is negative, attacking and lacking in compassion.

8. Commit to practicing these different skills – as they’ll take root in time, and change the way you act and feel.  

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Do you Lack Self Confidence?

Traits associated with low self-confidence include:

1. Undervaluing your experience and abilities; writing yourself off as being “no good at anything”

2. Accepting the blame for things when it isn’t your fault

3. Holding back, especially in groups, and dreading sharing your opinion – or anything about yourself or your life; being very shy and reserved

4. Having unrealistic, perfectionist standards for yourself – and at the same time being highly self-critical

5. Obsessing over things that went wrong in the past (especially if was something you said or did)

6. Being preoccupied with the negative outcomes and potential failures (And what people will think of you – as a consequence of that)

7. Being fearful of a wide range of people and situation; dreading going, or doing, something new

8. Doing things to please others – even when it’s things you really don’t want to do (for fear of disapproval, rejection, or losing face)

For more information, check out http://personalexcellence.co/blog/how-to-increase-your-self-confidence/

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How to build Emotional Resilience

1. Talk to someone: Sharing how we feel helps to reduce the inner tension (but make sure it is someone who cares about your feelings).

2. Work on improving your self-esteem: Self-esteem is the way you see and feel about yourself … and there are lots of lots of things that undermine our self esteem. For example, experiencing a break up, putting on unwanted weight, doing badly on a test or being excluded by our friends. It’s important that we keep on working on our self-esteem by treating ourselves well and noticing when we succeed (instead of noticing the negatives).

3. Manage your stress levels: If we’re always feelings stressed then it’s hard to cope with life. We tend to over react and have a negative mind set … which drains us of our energy and saps our will to fight.  So take a look at your lifestyle and see what you can drop. You may be doing too much, and don’t have time to relax.

4. Make the time and effort to enjoy yourself: Doing things that we enjoy helps to improve the way we feel. So build in little things like having coffee with a friend, or going to a game, or taking time to watch some sports.

5. Choose a healthy life style: Pay attention to your diet and how much you exercise; try to limit alcohol, and don’t deprive yourself of sleep.

6. Develop good relationships: Do your friends make you happy? Do you enjoy their company? Are they kind of people with your best interests at heart? Do they treat you with respect and help to boost your self-esteem? If not, then work on finding new relationships!

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Tips for Becoming More Confident

1. Stop discounting your successes - start affirming them instead. Don’t say “Oh, it’s nothing” or “Everyone could do that”. Treat, and talk to, yourself as you would a good friend.

2. Develop a positive attitude, and choose to get your mind off the negatives. For example, write down three things that went well each day, and three separate things that you are thankful for.

3. Work on your appearance; make an effort to look good. That doesn’t always have to cost the earth – and you’ll feel much happier and more confident.

4. Don’t be a doormat – or just follow the crowd. Think about your needs and what YOU want from life.

5.  Be willing to take risks. If you don’t take a risk then nothing’s going to change – and you’ll be stuck in a rut going nowhere in life.

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How to be Popular

1. Don’t try to be popular – Try and be natural around other people. Don’t seek for approval or try to impress.

2. Think about others, and not just yourself – Listen to others, be kind, considerate, and don’t only talk about yourself and your life.

3. Be generous and large-hearted – Don’t draw attention to others’ mistakes; overlook small offenses and be ready to forgive. Also, appreciate everything that others do for you, and notice their hard work, achievements and success.

4. Watch your ego – No-one likes hanging out with a person who brags, or who thinks that they are better than everyone else.

5. Work on your sense of humour – Don’t take yourself too seriously. Just laugh at your mistakes, and any stupid things you say. Also, try to brighten others’ day, and put a smile on their face (but be careful not to bore them with a list of corny jokes!)

6. Quietly focus on character – People are attracted to those with character … so influence by example; let your life speak for you.   

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Basic Needs for a Healthy Self Esteem

1. The need to give and receive attention

2. The need to look after your own body

3. The need for meaning, purpose and goals

4. The need for a connection for something greater than ourselves

5. The need for creativity and stimulation

6. The need for intimacy and connection to others

7. The need for a sense of control

8. The need for a sense of status and recognition from others

9. The need for a sense of safety and security.

Any one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life without dire consequences. However, in the long term, they all must be catered for, one way or another.

Source - and for more information see - www.self-confidence.co.uk/articles/top-ten-facts-about-low-self-esteem/

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6 Steps in Learning to Love Yourself

1.   See the good in your past. There will always be things that we wish had never happened; there will always be bad memories and things that we regret. But they are part of who you are – so accept that they have happened and celebrate the person they’ve allowed you to become.

2.   Invest time in the things that bring you happiness. It’s important to identify the things that you enjoy, and that make you come alive, and are all a part of “you”. Spending time on those things will help to raise your self-esteem, as you’re valuing yourself when you pursue happiness.  

3.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes - and when we think of them we cringe. But that doesn’t make you any worse than other people.  Just try and learn what you can, and then move on with your life.

4.   Stop criticising yourself. So often we’re really our own worst enemy. We look for our flaws, and we put ourselves down – instead of being understanding of our own limitations. It’s time to change that behaviour – so start loving yourself.

5.    Listen to your instincts and intuitions. If you want to love yourself, you must listen to yourself. Pay attention to those instincts and your instant gut reaction – and trust that you are right when you hear that inner voice.

6.   Appreciate your life. Of course there are things that you wish that you could change. But some things are good, and are worth appreciating. So, focus on, appreciate, and make lots of your strengths.

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Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

1. Social withdrawal

2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil

3. Lack of social skills and self confidence,

4. Depression and bouts of sadness

5. Less social conformity

6. Eating disorders

7. Inability to accept compliments

8. An inability to see yourself “squarely” - to be fair to ypurself

9. Accentuating the negative

10. Exaggerated concern over what you think other people think

11. Self neglect

12. Treating yourself badly, but not other people

13. Reluctance to take on challenges

14. Reluctance to put yourself first - or anywhere

15. Reluctance to trust your own opinion

16. Expecting little out of life for yourself

Source: http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/articles/top-ten-facts-about-low-self-esteem/

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