COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged self confidence

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How to Stand up for Yourself

1. Decide to stop being a doormat, a people pleaser or someone who gets pushed around.

2. Start believing in yourself. Work on developing your self-confidence, and setting achievable and meaningful goals. Decide tiy won’t be a clone of everyone else.

3. Develop a positive attitude. If you’re optimistic and expect to succeed – instead of being a victim or someone who gets used - then others will treat you with respect and dignity. In many ways, we create what we expect.

4. Get help for the wounds and the damage from your past. Often people who’ve been wounded and hurt by other people find it hard to develop inner confidence and pride. But there is help available and you can have a different life.

5. Trust your instincts. Not everyone is kind or a healthy influence. If you start to feel uncomfortable then trust your inner feelings and don’t allow that person to be part of your life.

6. Learn to be assertive. Being assertive is a skill – and it’s a skill you can acquire. It involves being able to say what’s on your mind – or to say “no” if you want to – while sounding confident.

7. Be willing to defend yourself or speak your mind. You have a right to your opinions and your personal points of view –so practise speaking up in a calm, confident way.

8. Pay attention to your body language. We communicate much more through our non-verbal cues than the actual words when we use we’re speaking to others – so use your body language to convey a sense of pride. That is, stand up straight, make eye contact and use a warm, but steady, voice.

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Tips for Appearing more Confident

1. Pay attention to your posture. Stand up tall, pull back your shoulders, and look straight ahead as a confident posture will command respect.

2. Deliberately slow down – and take a few deep breaths. We tend to rush and splutter when we’re anxious and nervous – but slowing down or waiting makes us seem more confident.

3. Smile. A smile breaks the ice and helps put everyone at ease. It breaks down barriers and signals openness.

4. Look people in the eye. If someone looks away or they can’t hold your gaze you jump to the conclusion that they’ve something to hide, or they feel uncomfortable, or lack self-esteem.

5. Be interested in others and step outside your world. A person who lacks confidence is turned in on themselves. They’re thinking of their feelings, anxieties and fears. Ignore the way you’re feeling; take the focus off yourself.

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Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different. Your life isn’t meant to look like anyone else’s because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing, and start living.
Daniell Koepke

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Some Ways to Improve your Self-Confidence

1. Don’t compare yourself to others. You are totally unique, and have different talents, abilities and strengths.

2. Never criticise or put yourself down. There are plenty of others who will do that for you. You need to be your biggest, and you greatest, fan. Be understanding, gentle and kind to yourself.

3. Consciously accept every compliment you get and see them as accurate and genuinely meant. Don’t brush them off as stupid, wrong, or meaningless.

4. Keep affirming yourself until it changes how you feel. It may feel false at first when you say something like “I accept myself completely– and believe I’m valuable”. But as you constantly repeat it you’ll find that, over time, you do accept and value the person that you are.

5. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. If you hang out with people who always put you down, and never seem to like or approve of your ideas, then you’ll soon stop believing in yourself as well (and it will also crush your creativity).

6. Make a list of your successes and accomplishments – like playing an instrument, learning how to cook, passing an exam, graduating from high school, or getting into college, or receiving an award. Review this list often – and be proud of yourself!

7. Make a list of your positive qualities and traits. Are you an honest, reliable and caring friend? Do you make time for others? Do you try to do your best? Again, review this list often, and get into the habit of focusing on your positive qualities and traits.

8. Spend your time doing things that you are good at, and enjoy. We become more alive when we’re doing things we love - and that naturally increases our self-confidence (as we’re being our true selves and not just acting out a role).

9. Get involved. If you sit on the sidelines and avoid all challenges then you won’t be able to achieve much in life. But if you push through the feelings of anxiety and fear, then you’ll grow, be successful, and have higher self esteem.

10. Be true to yourself; live a life that’s really “you”. Don’t let other people decide what you should do, or what is best for you, or who they think that you should be. You only have one life – choose your own path – just be you!

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How to Like Yourself

1. Cultivate self-acceptance. That means you accept yourself for who you are right now. It means you don’t say things like “I would accept myself if … or … I’ll accept myself when.”
2. Stop going over all things you’ve done wrong, the mistakes you’ve made, and your (perceived) inadequacies.
3. Where there’s something in your past that you feel bad about say: “This is what I learned from that situation … And that was THEN and this is NOW.”
4. Don’t compare yourself to others . Instead notice the areas where you’ve grown and changed. Deliberately praise and focus on those positive changes.
5. Don’t fall into the trap of judging others – as that will often lead to being self-critical.

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Help with Learning to Love Yourself

1. Treat other people with kindness and respect. Choosing to bring joy to other people’s lives will increase your happiness and self respect. Also, often when we treat other people well, they start to treat us in the same way, too.

2. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a product and a victim of your past.  Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

3. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to point 2, don’t punish yourself for past failings and regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself.  That was then – this is now … You are different - so move on.

4. Keep a journal where you write your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to savour those emotions and a build a memory trace of all that’s good and positive. When you’re feeling negative, try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not treating yourself like your worst enemy.

5. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. So work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to work on changing – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

6. Trust yourself. You’re not here to please others. Learn to trust your intuition.  You can trust you own judgments as you know what’s best for you.

7. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

8. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

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How to Improve your Confidence

1. Be willing to fail more often - as that means you’re taking on more challenges, and being prepared to try, learn and grow.

2. Keep track of improvements, positive changes, successes, growth and accomplishments.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. Also, we have an unhelpful tendency to compare our struggles with other peoples’ successes and high points.

4. Work on your posture and your fitness levels as they affect our appearance, and how we feel about ourselves.

5. Don’t just hang out with people you are comfortable with. Also, gravitate towards those who are new or different.

6. We’re influenced by those that we spend time with. So, make friends with people who seem warm and confident.

7. Be a true friend to yourself – and shut off the commentary that is negative, attacking and lacking in compassion.

8. Commit to practicing these different skills – as they’ll take root in time, and change the way you act and feel.  

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Do you Lack Self Confidence?

Traits associated with low self-confidence include:

1. Undervaluing your experience and abilities; writing yourself off as being “no good at anything”

2. Accepting the blame for things when it isn’t your fault

3. Holding back, especially in groups, and dreading sharing your opinion – or anything about yourself or your life; being very shy and reserved

4. Having unrealistic, perfectionist standards for yourself – and at the same time being highly self-critical

5. Obsessing over things that went wrong in the past (especially if was something you said or did)

6. Being preoccupied with the negative outcomes and potential failures (And what people will think of you – as a consequence of that)

7. Being fearful of a wide range of people and situation; dreading going, or doing, something new

8. Doing things to please others – even when it’s things you really don’t want to do (for fear of disapproval, rejection, or losing face)

For more information, check out http://personalexcellence.co/blog/how-to-increase-your-self-confidence/

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How to build Emotional Resilience

1. Talk to someone: Sharing how we feel helps to reduce the inner tension (but make sure it is someone who cares about your feelings).

2. Work on improving your self-esteem: Self-esteem is the way you see and feel about yourself … and there are lots of lots of things that undermine our self esteem. For example, experiencing a break up, putting on unwanted weight, doing badly on a test or being excluded by our friends. It’s important that we keep on working on our self-esteem by treating ourselves well and noticing when we succeed (instead of noticing the negatives).

3. Manage your stress levels: If we’re always feelings stressed then it’s hard to cope with life. We tend to over react and have a negative mind set … which drains us of our energy and saps our will to fight.  So take a look at your lifestyle and see what you can drop. You may be doing too much, and don’t have time to relax.

4. Make the time and effort to enjoy yourself: Doing things that we enjoy helps to improve the way we feel. So build in little things like having coffee with a friend, or going to a game, or taking time to watch some sports.

5. Choose a healthy life style: Pay attention to your diet and how much you exercise; try to limit alcohol, and don’t deprive yourself of sleep.

6. Develop good relationships: Do your friends make you happy? Do you enjoy their company? Are they kind of people with your best interests at heart? Do they treat you with respect and help to boost your self-esteem? If not, then work on finding new relationships!

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