COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged relationships

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Signs of a Toxic Person

1. Nothing you can say or do is good enough
2. They comment on the smallest flaw or perceived imperfection
3. They drag up your past and won’t allow you to be different
4. They act like they are fabulous and never make mistakes
5. They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are
6. They’re critical, controlling and don’t think about your needs
7. They leave you feeling beaten, wounded, battered, bruised and torn
8. They violate your boundaries, and they never respect “no”
9. They don’t care about your feelings – and they like to see you suffer
10. It’s always about them, and what they think, and want, and feel.

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Signs of a Great Person

1. They’re not easily offended, and don’t take things personally
2. They’re accepting, non-judgmental and always want the best for you
3. They respect others’ perspectives, needs and boundaries
4. They listen well to others, and try to see their point of view
5. They’re kind and understanding, warm, respectful and accepting
6. They’re trustworthy and loyal, and they think the best of you

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Traits of a Best Friend

1. They believe in you even when you’ve stopped believing in yourself
2. They respect your boundaries, and don’t try to manipulate or control you
3. They’re faithful and loyal – and are always there to listen when you truly need them
4. They put up with your annoying little quirks and habits because they understand you’re not perfect yet
5. They’re not envious or jealous when you succeed at something. They’re on your side and want the best for you
6. They allow you to be you, to have your own viewpoints, and to follow your own interests - as they like you being unique
7. They are generous, large hearted, and quick to forgive. Also, they don’t bear grudges, and they think the best of you.

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How to Support a Depressed Friend

1. Find out the kind of depression they are suffering from. Symptoms of clinical depression include sleep difficulties, loss of appetite, a desire to isolate themselves, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, suicidal tendencies and an inability to determine the cause of their depression. Those with situational depression may have some of the same symptoms but they generally know why they feel as they do, and once the issue is resolved, they are able to function normally again.

2. Be available to listen, or just be there for them. Sometimes you don’t need to say a word. Don’t offer opinions or advice; don’t judge them; be patient and understanding; be empathic, gentle and compassionate.

3. Take them out of their environment as a change of scenery can help to change our mood. It doesn’t have to be wildly exciting – just a walk by the river or a coffee at the mall is often enough to shift things a bit.

4. Don’t comment on their lifestyle (habits and patterns). Comments like “You ought to try and sleep more … or change your diet … or exercise more … are likely to shut the person down. These are often beyond the person’s control. They are symptoms of depression – and the actual cause.

5. Encourage your friend to seek professional help. A friend or family member can be a real lifeline; but objective support from a professional counsellor can help them deal with the cause in a more effective way.

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One of the most satisfying experiences I know is just fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset … I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a little on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple in the cloud color” … I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds. It is this receptive, open attitude which is necessary to truly perceive something as it is.
Carl Rogers

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