COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged relationships

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The truth is, life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be, and other people often don’t act as we would like them to. Moment to moment, there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don’t. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don’t work out.
Richard Carlson

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People to Avoid

1. People who use others, and are only interested in what they can get out of them

2. Whiners and complainers; people with a victim mentality who are always throwing a pity party

3. Those who are totally in love with themselves, and are always going on about how wonderful they are

4. People who are critical and mean-minded

5. Habitual liars; anyone who is dishonest

6. The know it all

7. The total lazybones

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How to Cope with Guilt Feelings

1. Try and work out why you feel so guilty. Make a list of all the things you feel guilty about. Try and work out which item sparks the strongest reaction. That’s probably the item to focus on.

2. Rate it on a scale of 1-10. That will help you to assess how bad it really was – as sometimes we feel guilty about stupid, minor things.

3. Think through what you can do. Think of actions you can take to try and make things a bit better – even if deep down you know that you can never make things right. It will bring some relief, and will strengthen your resolve to do things differently another time.

4. If your guilt is “false guilt” (so you just generally feel guilty), consider working with a counsellor. You may have developed a shame based personality - so you basically feel worthless and inadequate.

5. Forgive yourself. You can’t turn back the clock. What’s done is done. But you can start again and try to be a different person. Let it go, don’t think about it. The future is what counts.

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Some Tips for Being a Better Conversationalist

1. Be bold. For example, don’t be afraid to tell someone what you like about their work, or to comment on something they do well. We usually like people who pay us compliments!
2. Remember that we always have something in common –even if it is just the weather, or a class we are taking. It is better to say something than nothing at all. Hopefully, the other person will respond to your lead.
3. Ask people about their interests or hobbies … and when they respond ask some open questions to keep the conversation going.
4. If you are introverted and find talking to others very difficult, try and prepare a bit in advance. For example, think of some things that might interest others (popular movies, groups or singers, the latest games etc.) Think about how you could use these in a conversation with someone you don’t know.
5. Do your best to act relaxed (even if you feel uncomfortable inside.)
6. Try to sound confident when you talk to other people. For example, don’t mumble, maintain steady but comfortable eye contact, and smile a lot.
7. Make a mental note of some amusing things that you saw or heard. For example, something funny someone said, a fun activity you did with your friends … or anything you think might be of interest to that person.
8. Watch other people who are confident and seem to find chatting with others very easy. Notice what they do – and then learn from them.

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People to Avoid

1. People who use others, and are only interested in what they can get out of them

2. Whiners and complainers; people with a victim mentality who are always throwing a pity party

3. Those who are totally in love with themselves, and are always going on about how wonderful they are

4. People who are overly dependent (and are not getting help from a counsellor)

5. Habitual liars; anyone who is dishonest

6. The know it all

7. The total lazybones

8. People who are critical and mean-minded

9. Greedy people

10. Anyone with a criminal mind.

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