COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged relationships

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How to Talk About Painful Feelings of Rejection

1. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust, and someone who accepts you unconditionally.

2. Make a list of all your positive traits. Include all the good things that you see in yourself, and everything that others have mentioned in the past. Make sure the list is detailed and very, very long!

3. Recognise that rejection says nothing about you. It is one specific person or one relationship. Don’t allow that to define you as a total individual. There’s so more to you than that one aspect of your life.

4. Do something you enjoy. Take your mind off feeling lonely, or feeling like a failure, by choosing to do something that you usually enjoy (Listening to music, going to the movies, calling up a friend, reading a book etc).

5.Treat yourself to something special like a new pair of jeans. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out a temporary boost. It can get you past this moment – so you can find the strength you need to recover all the pieces - and then build your life again.

6. Do something physical like going for a run. It’s a great way to channel all that energy. Also, exercise is known to be a natural mood enhancer.

7. Remember, not everyone will think you’re fabulous. That just part of being human … we’re different from each other. Accept and value your own uniqueness, your qualities, your strengths and your personality.

8. Remember that “this too will pass”. All of us encounter various bumps along the way. It feels bad in the moment – but in time our feelings change.

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7 Childhood Issues that Affect our Later Relationships

1. Threats and fear of abandonment. These can lead to jealousy and feelings of insecurity.

2. Lack of emotional nurturing. This can lead to feelings of emotional deprivation – which can feel like a bottomless pit to fill.

3. Growing up with feelings of entitlement. This can lead to feeling as if you don’t have to live by the same rules as others – as you are special, and a bit superior.

4. Being told that you’re inferior or inadequate. This causes you feel like you’re never good enough.

5. The demand to be perfect, and to always get things right. This can leading to being driven – and incredibly high standards.

6. Being betrayed by those you trusted – so you won’t trust now, and you can’t get close to others, or let them get close to you.

7. Being raised is a way that your needs were denied, not allowed, disregarded, trivialised or ignored. This can lead to a doormat type of personality where other people matter – and your needs never count.

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Isn’t it funny how the memories you cherish before a break up can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle - it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day, and throw away the key.
Ally Condie

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Qualities of an Attractive Personality

Someone with an attractive personality:

1. Is warm and friendly towards others.

2. Is open and real

3. Knows their own strengths and weaknesses - and neither boasts nor puts themselves down.

4. Looks for the good in every situation, and is generally positive and optimistic.

5. Doesn’t gossip or pass on others’ secrets

6. Doesn’t gloat when things go wrong for others.

7. Is secure and has a healthy self–esteem; is not self-centred and narcissistic.

8. Is not highly critical or argumentative.

9. Is not possessive and jealous in relationships.

10. Makes time for the people they care about.

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