Posts tagged relationships
Posts tagged relationships
1. First, recognise that not everyone is like you. We have different likes and dislikes, we want different things, and we all see people and the world in different ways. Hence, it is natural that sometimes people will be upset, offended, or react differently from what we expected. It’s not necessarily personal – it’s more a reflection of the fact that we all are different.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintances so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
1. Recognize that you have choices. Usually people-pleasers feel as if they don’t have a choice, and they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. But you DO have a choice – and it’s Ok to say no.
2. Decide on your priorities. If you already have commitments or you have set priorities then it’s easy to say no as you’ve a genuine “excuse”. Do what matters most to you, and please remember - it’s your life!
3. Stall for time – don’t give an answer right away. Say you need a bit of time before you make up your mind. That allows you time and space to think about the consequences. For other things will likely suffer if you take on far too much.
4. Don’t be afraid to add conditions to your yeses. For example, say that you’ll only say yes if someone else says yes as well – or only take on a new task for a set period of time.
5. Are you being manipulated? There are plenty who will use you to ensure their plans succeed, so watch out for those compliments and empty flattery.
6. Be firm when you say no. The first time you say no it feels uncomfortable and hard. But once you’ve done that a few times it starts to feel much easier. Also, if you sound confident then others take you seriously.
7. Don’t defend you decision. You have a right to say no – and to NOT defend yourself. It’s your life after all - you don’t have to explain “why” … or come up with excuses … or be pushed and pressurised. And don’t apologise to others - saying no is not a crime!
1. Be understanding and supportive when your friend is having a hard time.
2. Be interested and excited when something good has happened to your friend.
3. Don’t be a gossip. Think the best of people; not the worst.
4. Remember that a secret … is a secret … is a secret. Don’t pass on what’s been shared in confidence.
5. Be willing to help friends out.
6. Don’t criticise anything about your friend – his/ her clothes, choices, decisions, boyfriends, girl friends etc
7. Show up at events that you friend has invited you to – birthdays, celebratory meals etc.
8. Encourage your friend to dream and be the best person they can be (then affirm, encourage and believe in them as they seek to become that person.)
1. Shared sense of humour; lots of laughter and fun
2. Little gestures of thoughtfulness
3. Personal space (there needs to be separateness in your togetherness)
4. Having the ability to spend hours together (simply doing routine or humdrum things)
5. Having “fairness and respect” rules in place for when you argue or fight
6. Having an attraction that goes beyond the physical; liking each other, and their personality
7. Believing that your partner has what it takes to live the life that they want to live – believing in them always, and especially when they’re down
8. Having a relationship that’s built on trust, openness, honesty and faithfulness.