1. Shy-secure people: Don’t have a strong need to be around people, and don’t tend to worry about talking to new people. They can socialise if they need to, but they general prefer to be by themselves and to do things on their own.
2. Shy-withdrawn people: Suffer from social anxiety. They are highly sensitive to perceived rejection, are anxious of negative evaluation, and are afraid of doing something embarrassing. They suffer more anxiety than other types of shy individuals. (nos 1, 3 & 4)
3. Shy-dependent people: Are overly helpful, accommodating, self-effacing and compliant. They have a strong need to be with other people but they feel they are inferior or “not good enough”. They have good social skills and are pleasant company – but they give up their true self in their desire to fit in.
4. Shy-conflicted people: Vacillate between wanting to be around other people and then pulling back (as social situations are a real source of stress). This group of people experience the most stress and anxiety.
For more information see: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200909/all-introversion-is-not-the-same
1. Work on becoming an exceptional listener. There’s nothing more attractive, and appealing, than someone who listens intently to you.
2. Keep reading, and seek to develop a wide range of interests. That makes it easier to talk to you, and to exchange ideas with you. You also come across as being a more interesting, balanced, and knowledgeable.
3. Work on developing your conversation skills. This is partly tied in with number 2. It’s about being able to make small talk and to share interesting bits of information with others. If you are shy, or you find this difficult, try to watch and learn from others who are strong in this area. Then, try copying and implementing some of the basic skills they use.
4. Don’t be afraid to have your own opinions. It’s good to know what you think about things as this provides a starting point for making conversation. (But be careful not to come across as rude, dominating, or to push your thoughts and views on other people!)
5. Get out and meet new people. This also helps develop our people skills as it forces us to interact with those who’re different from us. Doing that, will broaden and expand your horizons and make it easier to mix with lots of people.
6. Appreciate, enjoy and express your true self. You are special and unique – so discover who you are – and don’t try to copy, and be like, someone else.
7. Work on developing a positive and optimistic approach to life. There’s nothing worse than being with people who are critical, complaining, miserable and pessimistic. In contrast, a positive person lifts the mood of everyone. So smile, affirm others, and look for what is good.
8. Also, maintain a sense of humour, laugh often, and have fun. We all want someone who can brighten our way, and distract us from the hassles and problems of the day.
1. They don’t like people.
2. They’re unfriendly, standoffish and aloof.
3. They lack emotions, and feel thing less intensely than others.
4. They’re not interested in what matters to other people – they don’t share their excitement or feel their pain.
5. They’re not easily hurt by others. You can exclude them, leave them out or walk over their feelings and it won’t affect them deeply.
6. They’re more serious, and have less of a sense of humour than extroverts.
1. They are arrogant and have a sense of entitlement: This is one of the key indicators of a narcissist. He or she believes that they are special, superior to others and deserve to be treated better than others. They like to brag of their successes and accomplishments, and want everyone to tell them how wonderful they are. At social events, they must be the centre of attention, and everyone must talk about what he or she wants to talk about.
2. They use and exploit other people: The narcissist sees people as being there for them. Hence, they use other people to help them reach their goals. Also, they’ll often prey on others, and use them sexually. So they’ll charm, seduce and use you – then rapidly move on. he damage, or the heartache they may cause.
3. They lack empathy: The narcissistic person can’t form relationships. To them feelings don’t matter; they don’t have empathy. They don’t care about the damage on the heartache they may cause. Also, they won’t support or help you when life is difficult.
4. They have poor boundaries: The narcissistic person won’t respect your boundaries. They’ll take what’s yours and use it – and see that as their right. They’re rude, they insult others, they comment on their looks, and violate the standards that others see as just.
Some tips on dealing with a narcissist
(a) First, you need to recognise your personal vulnerabilities so you don’t get taken in by a charming narcissist – who makes you feel you’re special, or the best thing in this world. (b)Second, understand this individual is not a normal person. They won’t be there for you as they don’t have empathy. Recognise those telltale signs which indicate they’re self-obsessed.
(c) Third, establish and maintain healthy, stringent boundaries.
(d) Finally, if it’s always about them and there’s no real give and take, recognise you should move on and get that person out your life.
1. White: This indicates a desire for simplicity, perfection and purity.
2. Red: This person is usually outgoing and lives life to the full. They are optimistic, hate monotony, and are driven and ambitious. They may also be impulsive or aggressive.
3. Maroon: This is often the favourite colour of someone who has had to cope with hard experiences in life. They are mature, generous and well-disciplined.
4. Pink: This indicates a desire for love, affection and security. It is a fragile, gentle and delicate colour that is linked to feelings of protection and care.
5. Orange: This is the colour of the flamboyant, fun-loving, sociable person. They are usually good-natured, popular, curious, fearless and dramatic. However, they may be fickle and restless, too.
6. Yellow: This color is associated with happiness, wisdom, a desire for novelty, a sense of adventure and a rich imagination. It is usually linked to a good sense of humour and a rational mind.
7. Green: Green symbolizes balance, hope, sincerity and peace. Green people are generally concerned about the wellbeing of others, are patient, modest, self-effacing – but can sometimes be exploited and used by others.
8. Blue: Blue is associated with compassionate, caring, patience, perseverance, conscientiousness, self control and a sense of duty. These individuals are dedicated and reliable people – but also worry about how things will go.
9. Turquoise: These are more complex characters. They are creative and imaginative, and drive themselves hard to achieve their goals. Although they appear to be calm and controlled, inside they may feel tormented or perplexed.
10. Lavender: These people are usually impeccably dressed, are refined with a sense of class and culture. They have high ideals, are creative, charming, witty, classy and sophisticated. Typically, they are committed to causes that are noble and great.
11. Purple: Purple people are usually artistic, highly individual, unique and sensitive. They are independent thinkers, who are unconventional, and are likely to achieve positions of power.
12. Brown: Browns are known for their stamina and patience, for being conscientious, dependable and stable. They are rarely impulsive - but can be inflexible.
13. Grey: This is associated with caution, compromise, stability, hard work and good business sense. Greys are usually introverted and suppress how they feel.
14. Black: Blacks are dignified, mysterious, have hidden depths – and reveal very little of themselves, their beliefs, their hopes, desires and personality.
Handwriting analysis, or graphology, produces a personality profile by studying a person’s handwriting. Here’s how it pieces together a picture of the person “behind the pen.”
1. Begin by looking at the handwriting in general. What are the outstanding features? How much emotional energy does the writer appear to have? This is determined by assessing how much pressure is applied by the pen to the paper. Is the writing light or dark? Heavy pressure and dark writing are associated with vitality and confidence
2. Check out the slant of the writing. This tells you something about the way the writer responds to external pressures. A right slant (////) indicates a person whose heart rules their head. They are caring, warm and friendly. A vertical slant (llll) indicates a person whose head rules their heart. This is someone whose emotions are controlled. A left slant (\) indicates an individual who hides their emotions, and is generally aloof, cold and detached.
3. Look at how straight their writing is. Graphologists believe that a very straight baselines means the person has perfectionist tendencies and tend to be over disciplined. A very wavy baseline means the person is unstable, and on an emotional roller coaster. An ascending baseline indicates a positive and optimistic personality. A descending baseline indicates that the person is tired, pessimistic or depressed. A slightly wavy, but generally level, baseline indicates a balanced personality.
4. Examine the size of the writing. Small writing is a sign of someone who can concentrate for long time periods, and is not easily distracted. This person prefers to work alone, is hard working, focused and self-motivated. Average size writers work at a “normal” pace, and are not overly interested in the details. People with large handwriting are more easily distracted.
5. Look at the spacing between the words. Average spacing indicates a relatively laid back and confident person. Compressed writing indicates a person who always likes to be around others and wide spacing indicates a person who prefers to live a more isolated life.
Note: These are only general principles as our can mood affect our handwriting as well – but we still have a typical handwriting style.
1. When faced with a decision or choice, the thinker automatically focuses on facts, and applies logic to the situation.
2. He or she subconsciously notices tasks and work that needs to be done.
3. Thinkers find it easy to provide an objective analysis of any situation. They’re guided by rational reasoning.
4. They view conflict as a natural and normal part of relationships. It doesn’t always mean that something is wrong, or relationships are going to fall apart.
1. When faced with a decision or choice, feelers are guided by their gut reactions, and listen to their feelings and immediate response. They’re especially concerned about hurting other people, or making life more difficult or painful for them.
2. They intuitively pick up on people’s feelings and reactions – and they notice body language and non-verbal cues.
3. In reaching decisions, they want to hear others’ opinions, and they seek a consensus, or a fair compromise.
4. They are distressed by conflict, and dislike when people argue. Their ultimate goal is peace and harmony.
Millions of people across the world are diagnosed as suffering from mental illness. And though most of those are disorders are common and well-known (such as depression, anxiety and phobias) there are also some unusual and bizarre disorders. For example:
1. Stockholm Syndrome – Typically seen in abducted hostages, this is where the captive shows signs of sympathy, compassion and loyalty towards the hostage taker. This occurs regardless of the way they have been treated – and even where they’ve been tortured or their life is under threat.
2. Lima Syndrome – This is the opposite of the previous syndrome. It’s where the hostage taker is extremely concerned for the plight and wellbeing of the hostages.
3. Diogenes Syndrome – This disorder is marked by severe self neglect, compulsive hoarding, reclusive tendencies, and keeping large numbers of animals at home.
4. Paris Syndrome – This is very exclusive disorder … one restricted to Japanese tourists in Paris (It’s true!) The sufferer experiences a total mental breakdown when the city fails to meet their cultural expectations (Paris is rarely as polite, romantic, peaceful and idyllic as the tourists had imagined). To cope with this experience, their embassy established a 24hr hotline to help those with the syndrome.
5. Jerusalem Syndrome – People diagnosed with this particular disorder experience delusions and spontaneous psychosis after visiting a holy city. To date, all identified sufferers have had a history of mental illness, or some kind of psychosis.
6. Capgras Delusion – In this rare disorder, the individual believes that a friend or family member has been abducted and replaced by an impostor (who looks identical to them). It is generally seen in those with schizophrenia, dementia, or some kind of brain injury.
7. Fregoli Delusion – This is the exact opposite of Capgras delusion. It is the false belief that numerous different people are actually one person who keeps changing their disguise.
8. Cotard Delusion – A person suffering from this delusion believes that they don’t exist, are dead, are putrefying or have no blood or internal organs.
1. Exhibit integrity – A person is said to have integrity if what they say and what they do are rooted in the same set of core values.
2. Don’t speak badly of others – If you speak badly about others to a friend, the chances are you’ll also speak badly about them. Hence, they are likely to be hesitant in what they share with you.
3. Be an optimist – This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It meanschoosing not to dwell on the negatives, and actively looking for the positives.
4. Make the effort to be helpful – Life is so much sweeter if you’re thoughtful and kind – and we rarely forget someone who’s caring and warm.
5. Set some goals and have some ambition - This is an extremely contagious quality. Not only will you achieve higher goals for yourself, you’ll give hope to others, and inspire them to try.
6. Seek to be compassionate and understanding – All of us face battles and experience hard times. Empathising with others when life is tough helps to ease their burden and renew their inner spark.
7. Believe in, love and respect yourself - If you don’t accept, respect and love yourself, then you’ll send out vibes that you’re inadequate. However, it you love, believe in and treat yourself well then it’s likely that others will treat you that way, too.
8. Persist until you succeed – Although ambition is important, it is not enough. You have to persevere if you’re going to succeed. So when you stumble or fall down just get up and start again. Then keep on going till you finally succeed.
9. Be open minded and willing to learn - If you’re closed in your thinking and set in your ways then you’ll never discover a different, better way .. and you’ll close yourself off to other possibilities.
10. Take responsibility for your life - Blaming others for your problems, or acting like a victim won’t help you to move forwards, and have the life you want. Take control of your destiny. Success is up to you.
1. Autophobia is the dread of being alone, or isolated from others. It often surfaces when a person feels they are being ignored, or are unloved. It is sometimes associated with self-hatred. It can also be tied into a terror of being alone in a scary situation (such as being alone at home with intruders.)
2. Social anxiety is intense discomfort related to being around other people, and fearing negative judgement or evaluation. It is characterized by an intense fear of social embarrassment, negative criticism, shame, humiliation or being rejected. These lead to feelings of insecurity, and the powerful belief that the individual is basically inadequate.
3. Social isolation is an almost complete absence of contact with other human beings. Sometimes it’s imposed – although it may be chosen – and the impact on the person is usually negative. It can lead to feelings of loneliness, fear of being with others, or low self esteem. Over time, it can produce severe psychological damage.
4. Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder that must be diagnosed by a medical doctor or psychiatrist. It is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, a lack of concern for the emotional needs of others and apathy. Many people with this diagnosis simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.
We each have our own personality – that unique part of us that makes us who we are. It affects every aspect of our lives - from who we date, to what we study, to what we like to do. So what do we know about personality?
1. Birth order can affect our personality: We discussed this a bit in a previous post. There are traits we associate with being a first born (being bossy, motivated, high achievers or more driven); with being a middle born (being friendly, people pleasers, and quite skilled negotiators); and being a last-born (being amusing, more laid back, and also less responsible). Empirical research supports these norms and trends.
2. There are Five Core Personality Traits: These are measures of extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and openness.
3. Personality remains stable through life: The research findings are less conclusive here. It may be that some core traits are less susceptible to change. However, traits which seem less fixed and less stable over time include anxiety levels, friendliness and eagerness for novel experiences.
4. Certain personalities are more prone to disease: There appears to be a link between one of the “big 5 traits” (neuroticism) and proneness to developing headaches, asthma, arthritis, peptic ulcers and heart disease. There is also a link between having a Type A personality (and, in particular, scoring high on the hostility levels) and developing cancer and heart disease.
5. Our personality affects our personal preferences: The impact here is surprisingly far reaching. It includes: our choice of friends and partner, our taste in music, our political preferences, our career choices, our preferred holiday destinations and so on.
6. People can tell your personality from your facebook profile: Interestingly, although you might expect people to project an ideal online identity, research indicates that facebook profiles actually tend to convey our real personality. Sam Gosling, a key psychologist and author, has explained this in the following way: “I think that being able to express personality accurately contributes to the popularity of online social networks in two ways …First, it allows profile owners to let others know who they are and, in doing so, satisfies a basic need to be known by others. Second, it means that profile viewers feel they can trust the information they glean from online social network profiles, building their confidence in the system as a whole.”
7. There are a number of factors that contribute to personality disorders: An estimated 10 to 15% of adults are diagnosed with at least one personality disorder in their lifetime. Factors contributing to the onset of these include: Genetics, relationships with family and peers, inheriting high levels of sensitivity, childhood abuse and experiencing a trauma.
8. Your pet may reveal your personality: Many people consider themselves to be either a “dog person” or a “cat person”? Research into pet preference and personality indicates that dog lovers tend to be more extroverted and greater people pleasers, whereas cat lovers tend to be more introverted and curious.
Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is one of a cluster of disorders defined by symptoms of anxiety and fear. The specific, identifying symptoms include:
- Being emotionally dependent on others; feeling they can’t take care of themselves
- · Investing a lot of time and effort in trying to please significant people
- · Displaying clingy, passive and needy behavior
- · Avoiding disagreements for fear of losing approval and support
- · Experiencing separation anxiety and intense fear of abandonment
- · Finding it hard to be alone
- · Putting the needs of others before their own
- · Tolerating mistreatment and abuse for fear of disapproval and abandonment
- · Being crushed, and feeling helpless, when relationships end – and forming new relationships as soon as possible
- · Being unable to make even the simplest decision without the input and reassurance of others
- · Rarely taking the initiative
- · Avoiding personal responsibility
- · Avoiding responsible jobs and careers that require independent, autonomous functioning
- · Being over-sensitivity to criticism
- · Feeling negative and pessimistic; expecting to disappoint and fail
- · Having low self esteem and lacking confidence, including a belief that they are unable to care for themselves.
The cause of disorder is still unclear, and probably includes both a genetic and environmental component. Some researchers have speculated that it could be linked to an authoritarian or overprotective parenting style – which acts as a trigger for a genetic predisposition.
Treatment is usually initially sought for some other problem or concern – such as feeling overwhelmed – so that they can’t cope with life. Also, sufferers will often have a mood disorder so they seek help for depression or anxiety at first.
The normal treatment for this particular disorder is counselling or psychotherapy. However, the emphasis is short term therapy so the person doesn’t form a dependency – and then look to the counsellor to take care of them. Prognosis with support is generally good.
Roughly 20% of the population struggle with high sensitivity. Typical traits include the following:
1. As students, they work differently from other people. They often pick up on subtleties and may think deeply about a subject before sharing in a discussion or contributing in a classroom setting. (This does not necessarily mean they don’t understand the material, or are too shy to speak in public. It has more to do with the way the person processes information.)
2. They tend to be highly conscientious in their work. They notice and pay attention to details, and they think things through very carefully. Also, often being highly sensitive is equated with higher levels of intelligence, being highly intuitive and having a vivid imagination. Highly sensitive individuals work and learn best in quiet and calm environments.
3. Highly sensitive students and employees generally underperform when they are being evaluated. They are highly conscious of being watched, and this inhibits their ability to function at their peak.
4. Although some individuals who are born with this trait may seem to be more introverted by nature, being introverted and highly sensitive do not always go together. Instead, environmental factors have a greater influence on how the individual feels and reacts.
5. People with high sensitivity are more sensitive to both negative and positive experiences. Thus, they are more affected by rough treatment, pain, heartaches and insensitivity from others … but also seem to benefit more from being treated with kindness, care and thoughtfulness.
6. Other common characteristics of the highly sensitive person being easily over-stimulated (hence the need for quiet and calm), being more emotionally reactive than others, and having higher levels of empathy.