Posts tagged pain

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Steps for Dealing with Emotional Pain

1. Refuse to see yourself in all-or-nothing terms (as you’re not all good and you’re not all bad)
2. Refuse to let the past define you
3. Refuse to let mistakes and weaknesses define you
4 .Refuse to let your scars and your pain define you
5. Refuse to let rejection define you
6. Refuse to let others peoples’ opinions define you
7. Believe you can be free, and have a different life
8. Imagine yourself free – being who you’d like to be
9. Whenever the old thoughts and emotions overwhelm, think of this new you, and a new future instead
10. Take one small step and choose to walk towards that better life and future you’ve chosen for yourself.

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How to Cope with Hurt and Pain

1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.
2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain - as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.
3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you feel the pain again.
4. Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.
5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.
6. Spend as much time as possible with those who treat you well – with those who see your worth, and who love and value you.

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How to get over hurt and pain

1. Acknowledge that you feel as awful as you do (as it’s crucial that we validate our negative emotions.)
2. Identify the source (which may not be obvious).
3. Practice self compassion, and be gentle with yourself.
4. Identify the thoughts that are making the pain worse (like “I’ll never get over this”; or “I’m totally worthless.”)
4. Work on challenging your thinking so it’s more accurate.
5. Work on coming to terms with your new reality (for example, if you’ve failed an exam or a relationship has ended).
6. Try to find something meaningful (perhaps a lesson you can learn).
7. Remember that tomorrow is a brand new day.

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How to Deal with hurt and Pain

1. Try and put into words exactly how you’re feeling. Is it the pain of rejection? Is it an overwhelming feeling of shame and self-loathing? Is it a sense of disbelief that you’ve been treated so cruelly by others? Is it a sense of utter desperation?

2. Try and find a way of expressing the pain. Sometimes we can tell the person who has hurt us– but often we feel that they won’t be responsive. If that is the case, find someone you can open up to.  It’s really important that you have the chance to honestly express what you’re going through. If you feel there’s no-one you can talk to right now, then perhaps try journaling, or using some kind of art, like music or painting.

3. If the pain’s related to something that happened, admit that you can’t go back and change the past. You need to let it go and keep your eyes ahead. You are not defined by what happened to you, and you have what it takes to live a rich, rewarding life.

4. Related to this, forgive yourself and don’t hold on to regrets. Learn what you can – and then choose to move ahead. Don’t be a victim of your past, or other people.

5. Reconnect with the person that you were previously. Think of who you might have been if this had never happened. You can still be that person: they are still a part of you.

6. Focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness, and focus on those people who love care for you.

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Tips for Coping with Emotional Pain

Accept that pain is a normal part of life …

A relationship break up, the death of your pet, failing an exam, being hurt by a friend.  It means that you are human and not a machine – but how do you cope with the hurt and the pain?

1. Endure it. There are some things in life which you can’t just wish away. You have to be patient and allow yourself to heal. For example, if you break your arm you have to wear it in a cast; and if your heart is broken, you have to let it heal. You have to ride the roller coaster till your feelings stabilise.

2. Talk to someone. It’s natural to conclude that no-one understands and to want to repress, or to try and hide, the pain. But you need the compassion of those who truly care. Take the offer of help and get support from your friends.

3. Don’t allow other people to trivialise your feelings. Your feelings are real and should be treated with respect. And accepting how you feel will enable you to grieve, and to start to recover and to be yourself again.

4. Don’t allow yourself to fixate on your negative emotions. It is healthy to acknowledge how terrible you feel. But don’t allow the pity party to drag on for too long. Force yourself to go out, and to spend time with your friends. Get involved in other things, and maybe try out something new.

5. Don’t allow your pain define you. It may have been a trauma, and a terrible thing – but don’t let what happened determine what you’ll do, or who you will become, or how good your life will be. You win in life by choosing your own destiny.

6. Don’t play the blame game. Regardless of what happened, don’t indulge in blaming others – for that’s not going to help you to move on with your life. See it as a chance to learn, and gain some life experience. You have grown as a person and have better coping skills. Thus, it can serve to make you stronger, and wiser, in the end.

7. Put together a ‘Thankfulness List’. Make a list of all the things that you are thankful for today. It will speed up your recovery and change the way you feel.

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