COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged pain

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The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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Steps for Dealing with Emotional Pain

1. Refuse to see yourself in all-or-nothing terms (as you’re not all good and you’re not all bad)
2. Refuse to let the past define you
3. Refuse to let mistakes and weaknesses define you
4 .Refuse to let your scars and your pain define you
5. Refuse to let rejection define you
6. Refuse to let others peoples’ opinions define you
7. Believe you can be free, and have a different life
8. Imagine yourself free – being who you’d like to be
9. Whenever the old thoughts and emotions overwhelm, think of this new you, and a new future instead
10. Take one small step and choose to walk towards that better life and future you’ve chosen for yourself.

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How to Cope with Hurt and Pain

1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.
2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain - as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.
3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you feel the pain again.
4. Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.
5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.
6. Spend as much time as possible with those who treat you well – with those who see your worth, and who love and value you.

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How to get over hurt and pain

1. Acknowledge that you feel as awful as you do (as it’s crucial that we validate our negative emotions.)
2. Identify the source (which may not be obvious).
3. Practice self compassion, and be gentle with yourself.
4. Identify the thoughts that are making the pain worse (like “I’ll never get over this”; or “I’m totally worthless.”)
4. Work on challenging your thinking so it’s more accurate.
5. Work on coming to terms with your new reality (for example, if you’ve failed an exam or a relationship has ended).
6. Try to find something meaningful (perhaps a lesson you can learn).
7. Remember that tomorrow is a brand new day.

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How to Deal with hurt and Pain

1. Try and put into words exactly how you’re feeling. Is it the pain of rejection? Is it an overwhelming feeling of shame and self-loathing? Is it a sense of disbelief that you’ve been treated so cruelly by others? Is it a sense of utter desperation?

2. Try and find a way of expressing the pain. Sometimes we can tell the person who has hurt us– but often we feel that they won’t be responsive. If that is the case, find someone you can open up to.  It’s really important that you have the chance to honestly express what you’re going through. If you feel there’s no-one you can talk to right now, then perhaps try journaling, or using some kind of art, like music or painting.

3. If the pain’s related to something that happened, admit that you can’t go back and change the past. You need to let it go and keep your eyes ahead. You are not defined by what happened to you, and you have what it takes to live a rich, rewarding life.

4. Related to this, forgive yourself and don’t hold on to regrets. Learn what you can – and then choose to move ahead. Don’t be a victim of your past, or other people.

5. Reconnect with the person that you were previously. Think of who you might have been if this had never happened. You can still be that person: they are still a part of you.

6. Focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness, and focus on those people who love care for you.

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