COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged jealousy

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How to Deal with Envy and Jealousy

1. Ask yourself the question “Why does this matter so much to me? For example, is it that I feel I’m not enough, or do I feel lonely and overlooked?”
2. Ask yourself “What is MY definition of success?” Then think of realistic goals you can set for yourself, instead of always thinking of what others have achieved.
3. Focus on the talents and the gifts that you have been given, and think of how to use these in a meaningful way. Don’t wish that you were someone you were never meant to be.
4. Ask yourself “What kind of person do I really want to be … and try to develop those traits and qualities. Who you are matters more than what you look like or achieve.
5. Make a list of all the things you can be grateful for today – the blessings that you have, and the gifts that you enjoy.

Filed under envy counselling psychology therapy self help self esteem self improvement inspiration motivation mental health online counselling college jealousy

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How to Cope with Feelings of Jealousy

1. Recognise that these feelings are perfectly normal, and are something that we all have to face at times (even if that person is a really good friend.)

2. Look at what’s going on with your own self-esteem. Are you feeling worthless and inadequate? Do you feel as if you’ve nothing to offer to the world? Are you disappointed in your school results? Are you feeling lonely, left out or overlooked?

3. Make a list of the things that you feel positive about. That is, the traits and successes that you feel good about. For example, those could be some small things that still leave you feeling proud, or some nice things you have done, or your unique, creative style. Also, write down the compliments that others have paid you – especially those from people you respect, like or admire.

4. Turn the jealousy around, and use that person to inspire you to keep on growing in some positive ways. You are someone with potential – and you’re also someone special - so don’t be afraid to take some risks, and stretch yourself.

5. Finally, remember all the reasons why you’re friends with that person. Remember all the laughter and the good times you have shared. We are not in competition – everyone has their own journey. Enjoy being friends, and put the other stuff aside.    

Filed under jealousy counselling psychology therapy relationships love self help self improvement inspiration motivation mental health mental illness online counselling college

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How to Cope with Jealous Feelings

1. Understand what jealousy is. It’s a mixture of fear and anger – usually the fear of losing someone who’s important to you, and anger at the person who is “taking over”. Recognise that it’s a destructive and negative emotion - and often nothing good comes out of it.

2. Try and figure out why you’re feeling jealous. Is it related to some past failure that is undermining your ability to trust? Are you feeling anxious and insecure? Do you suffer from low self-esteem, or fear of abandonment?

3. Be honest with yourself about how your jealousy affects other people. Do friends or partners always have to justify their actions and thoughts, or always report on where they were, or who they were with? That kind of pressure is destructive in the end, and puts a strain on relationships.  

4. Find the courage to tackle your feelings. Decide to question your jealousy every time it surfaces. That will enable you to take positive steps to manage your feelings in a healthier and more constructive way. Some possible questionsto ask yourself include: “Why am I jealous about this?”; “What exactly is making me feel jealous?”; “What or who am I afraid of losing?”; “Why do I feel so threatened?”

5. Work on changing any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. Start this process by identifying the underlying belief, for example “If X leaves me, then I won’t have any friends”; “If Y doesn’t love me then no-one will ever want or love me”. Understand, that beliefs are often false – and that they can be changed through choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel.

6. Learn from your jealousy. Jealousy can help understand ourselves better – and teach us important lessons. For example, it’s natural to feel frightened when a relationship is new, and you don’t yet feel secure. This is normal and commonplace! Also, some people DO have a roving eye, and they may lack commitment in the longer term. Better you know that now, than later on.

7. Work on accepting and trusting yourself. That makes it easier to trust others, too, and lessens our tendency to feel jealous of others.

Filed under counselling psychology therapy love relationships self help self improvement inspiration mental health mental illness jealousy online counselling college

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Jealousy is a powerful and intense emotion which is neither subtle nor generous. It is also complex, and can include a range of feelings from fear of abandonment … to terror … to rage … to revenge … to depression … to humiliation. It affects both sexes when they think that a third person is threatening a valued relationship. And although it has been said it protects important bonds, it more commonly destroys relationships.

Usually, jealousy begins as a feeling of unease at the possibility that we could lose the attention, or affection, of someone who’s important to us. This becomes more complex as the feeling takes root and we feel we’ve been betrayed, tossed aside and, thus, rejected.  At this point, we feel devalued and we want to hit out - which invariably makes the situation even worse. Now it’s hard to reconnect as resentment’s come between us – and if that’s not addressed, it will turn to contempt.

So how should we deal with our early jealous feelings so they don’t become a monster that poisons everything?

1. First of all, try and grasp that a tendency to feel intensely jealous is a symptom of shaky self esteem. Also, expecting chronic reassurance is a goal that’s doomed to fail - as your partner will feel that you’re a bottomless pit – and you’re only likely to drive them away.

2. Instead, remind yourself that you’re complete without your mate, you have your own sense of self or identity, and you can function as whole and healthy person on your own.

3. Recognise that harmful jealousy is not a sign of love. Instead, it points to neediness and insecurity. That will need to be addressed, on your own, in counselling. Be particularly concerned if you are battling with rage, the desire to seek revenge or powerful feelings of self-hatred.

Filed under counseling psychology therapy jealousy emotions relationships self esteem self help self improvement mental health online counselling college

794 notes

How to Cope with Feelings of Jealousy

1. Recognise that these feelings are perfectly normal, and are something that we all have to face at times (even if that person is a really good friend.)

2. Look at what’s going on with your own self-esteem. Are you feeling worthless and inadequate? Do you feel as if you’ve nothing to offer to the world? Are you disappointed in your school results? Are you feeling lonely, left out or overlooked?

3. Make a list of the things that you feel positive about. That is, the traits and successes that you feel good about. For example, those could be some small things that still leave you feeling proud, or some nice things you have done, or your unique, creative style. Also, write down the compliments that others have paid you – especially those from people you respect, like or admire.

4. Turn the jealousy around, and use that person to inspire you to keep on growing in some positive ways. You are someone with potential – and you’re also someone special - so don’t be afraid to take some risks, and stretch yourself.

5. Finally, remember all the reasons why you’re friends with that person. Remember all the laughter and the good times you have shared. We are not in competition – everyone has their own journey. Enjoy being friends, and put the other stuff aside.     

Filed under counselling psychology therapy friends relationship jealousy self help self improvement mental health success inspiration motivation online counselling college

455 notes

How to Cope with Jealous Feelings

1. Understand what jealousy is. It’s a mixture of fear and anger – usually the fear of losing someone who’s important to you, and anger at the person who is “taking over”. Recognise that it’s a destructive and negative emotion - and often nothing good comes out of it.

2. Try and figure out why you’re feeling jealous. Is it related to some past failure that is undermining your ability to trust? Are you feeling anxious and insecure? Do you suffer from low self-esteem, or fear of abandonment?

3. Be honest with yourself about how your jealousy affects other people. Do friends or partners always have to justify their actions and thoughts, or always report on where they were, or who they were with? That kind of pressure is destructive in the end, and puts a strain on relationships.  

4. Find the courage to tackle your feelings. Decide to question your jealousy every time it surfaces. That will enable you to take positive steps to manage your feelings in a healthier and more constructive way. Some possible questionsto ask yourself include: “Why am I jealous about this?”; “What exactly is making me feel jealous?”; “What or who am I afraid of losing?”; “Why do I feel so threatened?”

5. Work on changing any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. Start this process by identifying the underlying belief, for example “If X leaves me, then I won’t have any friends”; “If Y doesn’t love me then no-one will ever want or love me”. Understand, that beliefs are often false – and that they can be changed through choice. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel.

6. Learn from your jealousy. Jealousy can help understand ourselves better – and teach us important lessons. For example, it’s natural to feel frightened when a relationship is new, and you don’t yet feel secure. This is normal and commonplace! Also, some people DO have a roving eye, and they may lack commitment in the longer term. Better you know that now, than later on.

7. Work on accepting and trusting yourself. That makes it easier to trust others, too, and lessens our tendency to feel jealous of others.

Filed under counselling psychology therapy jealousy friends love inspiration motivation self improvement self help mental health online counselling college

967 notes

How to Handle Jealousy

Many different people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it’s teaching you. Here are some pointers on working through your emotions and feelings of jealousy.

1. Understand the emotions. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something and anger that someone is “moving in on” something that you feel belongs only to you.

2. Allow yourself to actually ‘feel’ emotions in a healthy way. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself: Is it more fear-based or more anger-based, and why? Recognize which part of your body is being affected. If you feel a dropping or clutching sensation in your stomach, it’s probably fear. If you feel a burning, tight sensation in your shoulders and jaw, then you’re likely feeling anger. You might also feel a combination of those sensations. You should just show non-jealous feelings on your face so you don’t became hated.

3. Communicate your feelings. Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use “I” instead of “you.” Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” say, “I felt terrible when that happened.”

4. Identify what your jealousy is teaching you. Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you. If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself, “Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?” When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

5. Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy. There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy. Some common underlying beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money” or “If this person leaves me, I won’t have any friends.” Beliefs are changeable. If you change your belief, you change the way you feel. Choose to tell yourself a belief that is nurturing and supportive, and you’ll feel better. When you begin taking steps to creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself, you will find the anger, the jealousy, and the fear will disappear. Don’t listen to people who make you jealous.

6. Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others. Raise your sense of self worth and self confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, inner qualities and other good things about you. One way to change your belief system and inner dialogue, is to journal on a daily basis supportive messages to yourself. In time, your efforts will begin to sink into your subconscious. And as a result, you’ll develop new inner strengths, diminish any envious feelings, and feel more joy within and in life.

7. Work on your self esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you.

8. Fake it. Portray a non-jealous facade while you work on overcoming jealousy. Eventually, working your way through your feelings, the facade will become real, but in the meantime you will protect yourself from appearing jealous to others.

Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy

Filed under counselling psychology therapy jealousy relationships mental health mental illness self improvement self help emotions online counselling college

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What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

1. They are often insincere so it’s hard to tell whether they are being genuine or not.

2. They are unpredictable and changeable. Often they will be nice to your face – then they say nasty things behind your back.

3. They try to outdo you. For example, when you say something funny, they try to say something that is even funnier; if you get hurt or something bad happens, there’s always something worse that has happened to them.

4. Related to this, they act as if they’re in a competition with you so you can’t just be natural and chill when you meet up.  

5. They stop being understanding – and they don’t seem to care if you are feeling down, or if things are going wrong.

6. They avoid being around you when things are going well, and don’t seem happy and pleased on your behalf.

7. You feel as if you can’t really trust them anymore – as you sense they aren’t loyal and you fear what they might say.

Filed under counselling psychology therapy friends relationships life jealousy self improvement self help online counselling college

45 notes

Jealousy

Jealousy is a powerful and intense emotion which is neither subtle nor generous. It is also complex, and can include a range of feelings from fear of abandonment … to terror … to rage … to revenge … to depression … to humiliation. It affects both sexes when they think that a third person is threatening a valued relationship. And although it has been said it protects important bonds, it more commonly destroys relationships.

Usually, jealousy begins as a feeling of unease at the possibility that we could lose the attention, or affection, of someone who’s important to us. This becomes more complex as the feeling takes root and we feel we’ve been betrayed, tossed aside and, thus, rejected.  At this point, we feel devalued and we want to hit out - which invariably makes the situation even worse. Now it’s hard to reconnect as resentment’s come between us – and if that’s not addressed, it will turn to contempt.

So how should we deal with our early jealous feelings so they don’t become a monster that poisons everything?

1.    First of all, try and grasp that a tendency to feel intensely jealous is a symptom of shaky self esteem. Also, expecting chronic reassurance is a goal that’s doomed to fail - as your partner will feel that you’re a bottomless pit – and you’re only likely to drive them away.

2.    Instead, remind yourself that you’re complete without your mate, you have your own sense of self or identity, and you can function as whole and healthy person on your own.

3.    Recognise that harmful jealousy is not a sign of love. Instead, it points to neediness and insecurity. That will need to be addressed, on your own, in counselling. Be particularly concerned if you are battling with rage, the desire to seek revenge or powerful feelings of self-hatred.

Filed under jealousy emotions relationships Counsellor psychology therapy envy online counselling college