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Posts tagged introvert

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Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes, just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating.
Anneli Rufus

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Extrovert, Introvert or Ambivert

1. Qualities and Traits of Extroverts

- Outgoing and sociable; may begin to feel down if they spend too time alone

- Active, energetic, enthusiastic and lively

- Expressive and affectionate

- Like adventure and new experiences

- Often seem courageous and confident

- Like to pursue a wide variety of interests

-  Spontaneous and impulsive

- May have a low boredom threshold

2. Qualities and Traits of Introverts

- Prefer to think more and talk less

- Prefer solitary to group activities; find it exhausting being around people all the time

- Dislike being centre stage

- Makes carefully thought out decisions (Like to have all the facts available, and have time to weigh up all the pros and cons)

- More subdued and less excitable; may appear to be lacking in energy and enthusiasm

- May seem shy, detached and hard to get to know

- Prefers to focus on a few key interests than to be involved in a lot of different things

- Are good at amusing themselves.

3. Qualities and Traits of Ambiverts

Although many individuals will tend to demonstrate either more extroverts or introverts personalities, many others will feel they are a mixture of the two. These types of people are known as ambiverts. That is, ambiverts display the traits of introverts in some situations, and extroverts in others.

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Some Curses of Being a Highly Sensitive Person

People who are highly sensitive, often struggle with the following:

1. They are easily overwhelmed, and often feel stressed through being overstimulated: That is, they often feel exhausted, stressed, worn out and worn down by processing so much detail - or through vicariously experiencing too much pain in the lives of others.

2. They are more personally affected by others’ emotions: Thus, they find it hard to detach themselves, or throw off the feelings and heartache of others. Instead, they tend to absorb anger, pain and distress when others  around them are experiencing these.  

3. They need more time and space for themselves: In order to restore their boundaries, to refresh their minds and renew their energy, highly sensitive people need to retreat, and to spend time alone. Unfortunately, others may jude them as being unsociable as they don’t understand their need to withdraw.

4. They may feel driven by unhealthy perfectionism: They often have unrealistic expectations, and are harsh, unforgiving and demanding of themselves. This is because they overanalyse, and worry about what other people think and want. (Related to this, many highly sensitive people also suffer from low self-esteem.)  

5. They may feel out of sync with the people around them: The western world values extroverted people who are confident, lively and highly sociable. This can add extra pressure to more sensitive people who are cautious, and careful of the judgments of others. They can also feel they’re seen as being too sensitive, or as too emotional, or not tough enough. 

For more information see: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/03/28/5-gifts-of-being-highly-sensitive/

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Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?

Sensitivity, like all traits, is on a continuum. As a general principle, more highly sensitive people:

1. Are particularly attuned to the richness and nuances of experience. They have an eye for detail and tend to experience things more intensely, and in a more discriminating way.

2. Are more attuned, and alert to, nuances in meaning. This can make them more cautious as they tend to think more carefully about the possible effects and consequences of their choices, decisions and actions.

3. Are more emotionally aware - both of their own and others’ experiences of pleasure, discomfort and pain.

4. Are more empathic – as they find they almost unconsciously put themselves in the shoes of other people, and can imagine what life is like from their perspective.

5. Are highly creative and expressive individuals. They are able to express experiences in a myriad of different ways.  

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The Four Faces of Introversion

1. Shy-secure people: Don’t have a strong need to be around people, and don’t tend to worry about talking to new people. They can socialise if they need to, but they general prefer to be by themselves and to do things on their own.

2. Shy-withdrawn people: Suffer from social anxiety. They are highly sensitive to perceived rejection, are anxious of negative evaluation, and are afraid of doing something embarrassing. They suffer more anxiety than people who are shy-withdrawn.

3. Shy-dependent people: Are overly helpful, accommodating, self-effacing and compliant. They have a strong need to be with other people but they feel they are inferior or “not good enough”. They have good social skills and are pleasant company – but they give up their true self in their desire to fit in.

4. Shy-conflicted people:  Vacillate between wanting to be around other people and then pulling back (as social situations are a real source of stress). This group of people experience the most stress and anxiety.

For more information see: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200909/all-introversion-is-not-the-same

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Tips for Overcoming Shyness

1. Make a list if the types of situation that trigger feelings of shyness.

2. Think about 4 or 5 specific occasions. Analyse who was there, how they were behaving, what they said, and your own self talk, to try and identify some common shared factors.

3. Based on this, identify what might help (For example, would it help if you stood near a friend and had them talk “just to you” sometimes; or do you need to work on changing the way you think and talk about yourself; or do you need to pace yourself so that you can escape and be by yourself every 10 or 15 minutes?)

4. Keep reminding yourself of your different strengths. They are a central part to who you are - yet we tend to forget all our positives once we feel anxious, self conscious or shy.   

5. Watch the way other people behave - and try and act your way to change. Notice how they tend to behave, interact, and the kind of topics and jokes they use. These are mainly skills that you can copy and acquire. Observe other people – to see if that could help.

6. You may find it helpful to remember that, in most situations, people can’t tell how you feel. That means you can simply pretend that you feel confident – even if you feel shy and anxious inside.

7. Also, most people are too busy thinking of themselves to think about the way you come across to them. Thus, they many not remember you as being very shy, and they may think you’re fun and are great company. It’s just that you remember your powerful emotions, and were judging how you seemed from your point of view.     

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The Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude

Loneliness

1. Loneliness is a painful, negative state.

2. It is where we feel alone, and cut off and estranged from other people. Thus, we may feel as if we are excluded, unwanted, unimportant or unnoticed. 

3. We can be surrounded by people we know and love and still experience feelings of intense loneliness.

4. Loneliness feels like punishment or rejection. It is rooted in a sense of deficiency or inadequacy.

5. It is something that depletes us, and is imposed on us.

6. Loneliness can lead to self rejection, and even to self loathing and despair.

Solitude

1. Solitude is a positive state.

2. It is where we are perfectly happy to be by ourselves, and relish and enjoy our own company.

3. Solitude can help us get in touch with, or engage with, our true self.  It allows us to reflect on ourselves, others, our life, and our future. 

4. Often, solitude is a springboard to greater self-awareness, greater creativity, fresh insights, and new growth.

5. Solitude is something we choose. It is something that restores and builds us up. 

6. Solitude grounds us in who we are – and that enables us to reach out and give to others.

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How to be social when you don’t feel like it

1. Give your energy level a boost. It’s hard to be friendly, and to focus on others, if you’re feeling really tired and would rather be in bed. To keep going, grab some coffee or a bite to eat, or go outside for a few minutes, and get some cool, fresh air.

2. Have some tactics at the ready if you don’t know the people – or if you have to be with people you would rather avoid. For example, if you don’t like the people, ask a friend to go with you … and have a great excuse for leaving once you’ve done the minimum.   

3. Plan ahead to avoid conflict. Aim to stay in control of your reactions and emotions – and resist the pressure to take part in arguments.

4. Control your contribution. If you’re quiet and introverted then value you who you are. Don’t expect yourself to be a party animal. Show respect for yourself by taking time out if you need to, and only talk to people that you want to be around.

5. See it as a chance to practices a few social skills. Take the pressure off yourself by practising your social skills. For example, ask a few open questions, and keep the focus on the speaker. Try and come across as friendly through your use of body language – like making good eye contact and smiling while you talk.

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Tips for Introverts in an Extrovert World

The Western world demands that we be extroverts. This can be stressful for an introverted person who feels she has to act, or change her personality. If you experience this, perhaps the following tips may help:

1. Most important, don’t feel bad about being an introvert. Be proud of who you are, and affirm your gifts and strengths. Remember, there’s no one ideal type of personality  

2. Try and speak out more – even though you find it hard – as your viewpoints won’t be noticed if they’re never shared or heard. And what you think’s important – you deserve to have your say.

3. Give yourself a break and sometimes miss social events. There’s no point adding stress by doing more than you enjoy. Why should you go to everything, and not spend time alone?

4.  Make sure you take the time to recharge your batteries – as spending time with people may tire and wear you out.

5.  Also, take small breaks when you are part of a crowd. Try and just excuse yourself and spend a few moments alone.

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