Posts tagged friends
Posts tagged friends
1. First, recognise that not everyone is like you. We have different likes and dislikes, we want different things, and we all see people and the world in different ways. Hence, it is natural that sometimes people will be upset, offended, or react differently from what we expected. It’s not necessarily personal – it’s more a reflection of the fact that we all are different.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintances so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
1. Be understanding and supportive when your friend is having a hard time.
2. Be interested and excited when something good has happened to your friend.
3. Don’t be a gossip. Think the best of people; not the worst.
4. Remember that a secret … is a secret … is a secret. Don’t pass on what’s been shared in confidence.
5. Be willing to help friends out.
6. Don’t criticise anything about your friend – his/ her clothes, choices, decisions, boyfriends, girl friends etc
7. Show up at events that you friend has invited you to – birthdays, celebratory meals etc.
8. Encourage your friend to dream and be the best person they can be (then affirm, encourage and believe in them as they seek to become that person.)
1. The relationship should be natural, easy and uncomplicated: The truth is that all relationships take time, effort, commitment and energy. You need to make time for each other, to do fun things together, to work on communication, and to learn to negotiate and compromise.
2. The relationship should be conflict free: Because we are each individual and unique we all disagree with others at times, so conflict is natural, and not to be feared. In fact, conflict can force us to confront our differences, and to grow as individuals, and as couples too.
3. Soul mates are romantic: Real life is not the movies, and love can be expressed in countless different ways, and still be genuine. Look out for all the signs that show your partner cares, and don’t be disappointed if they’re not “the stereotype”. Don’t force them to be something that is maybe nor their style.
4. You should always see things the same way and have the same opinions, outlooks and beliefs: You both have different backgrounds and have individual brains so you’re going to sometimes differ in the way you look at life. That needn’t be a problem – you don’t want to be clones.
5. My soul mate will always like and love me: Consideration, respect and a concern for your partner are symptoms of a loving relationship. But being rude and disrespectful or irresponsible are not endearing qualities that build relationships. Instead, we need to give to get – as it’s not “all about me”.
1. Your time is the best gift you can give. – In your relationships with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention. So don’t listen with an agenda or the intent to reply. Hear what is being said with the intent to truly understand.
2. You have the power to make a big difference. – Everyone in life wants to be loved and accepted. Your greatest achievements in life will be the direct result of finding this love and acceptance within yourself, and radiating it out to those around you.
3. What makes us different is what makes us special. – Don’t be too quick to judge others or bully them for being different. And don’t put up with those who call you “a friend” and then judge and bully you. Let go of the need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you.
4. Love is meant to be shared. – So many people save their ‘loving.’ They consciously avoid putting their heart into their relationships, surrendering, opening up, and sharing, because they want to save it all for the right people (best friends, lovers, etc.) But the problem is when the right people come along they don’t realize it, they don’t know how to open up, and they don’t know anything about the act of loving.
5. You have to love yourself too. – The best thing you can do to improve the quality of your relationships is to work on loving and healing yourself.
6. Praise and recognition matters. – Give genuine praise. This is an investment in them that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be amazing. Be sure to follow this rule: “Praise in public, penalize in private.”
7. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – It seems like such a small thing, but in our busy lives we often forget that a kind word, a helping hand, or just a smile and a quick “thank you” can create a bright spot in another person’s life.
8. Without honesty there is no friendship. – Honesty is the first chapter in the book of all wisdom. Honesty is the only path forward. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. So don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.
9. Loyalty means the world. – True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but an obligation.
10. Reaching out and staying in touch is important. – Stay in touch with those who matter to you because they’re worth the extra effort. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. Paying attention to these people is always a priority.
1. Be abusive: As well as physical abuse, this includes put-downs, sarcasm, negative comments, withholding affection, stonewalling, refusing to talk, and repeatedly threatening to leave the relationship.
2. Be defensive: Individuals who are always on the defensive are so wrapped up in protecting themselves that they rarely grow in their relationships. They won’t admit that they have faults and so end up committing the same mistakes again and again. This eventually destroys the relationship.
3. Be critical: While there’s a place for the occasional critical remark, if you’re always complaining and pointing out their flaws then you’ll soon undermine your partner’s self-esteem. In all areas of life, a critical person is an unattractive person.
4. Be always right: If you’re always right, the other person’s always wrong – and who wants to feel that they have nothing to contribute, or their point of view is stupid, unwanted and wrong.
5. Be narcissistic and selfish: The person who always has to have their own way, or who’s only interested in their own needs and desire has little to add to a relationship.
6. Be dishonest: Trust is at the heart of all good relationships. If you can’t be real and honest, or are not dependable, then there’s no foundation for a strong relationship. This includes being unfaithful or hiding the whole truth.
7. Be superior: If you’re quick to judge others or to put people down, or you think that you are better than everybody else (more intelligent, prettier, cooler etc) then you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. For although we all have strengths, and we may excel at times, each person is unique and is worthy of respect.
8. Be controlling: A relationship’s a gift. That person’s not your property. They’re allowed to be themselves, with their own views and beliefs. They don’t answer to you; they don’t have to change themselves; they’re autonomous and free – they’re not there to be controlled.