COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged friends

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Supporting a Friend with Mental Health Concerns

1. People with mental health problems are likely to need different kinds of supports at different times.
2. Probably the most important thing you can do is to listen in a caring, and non-judgmental way. That simple act will usually mean a lot as mental health issues are often misunderstood by the general population.
3. Always treated the person with respect, acceptance and compassion.
4. You don’t have to do too much – just stay in contact with your friend, invite them over, or hang out with them.
5. Remember that your friend is looking for a friend – and not a counselor, or psychiatrist.
6. Offering practical support can be the right thing at times, as going through a hard can leave you feeling overwhelmed.

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How to Recognise a Toxic Friend

1. Is this a person who always puts you down? A friend is someone who accepts you as you are – and allows you to be different, and to think for yourself, and to make your own decisions – without an explanation. However, if a person is demeaning or always puts you down, criticises your opinions, or the way you dress or look, then that’s someone to avoid as they’re a toxic friend.

2. Do they gossip about you? A friend is someone you can totally trust. You can share your deepest secrets, and say what’s on your mind – and they won’t tell a person or betray your trust. However, if you always have to watch what you say around a friend as they’re likely to gossip or let something slip then it’s likely that this person is a toxic friend.

3. Do they constantly mock and make fun of you? A bit of gentle ribbing shows affection between friends. But if they’re always making fun of you, or highlighting your faults, or attacking you in public, then they’re not a genuine friend.

4. How do you feel after being with your friend? Think about your answers to the following:

- Do you feel defensive when you spend time with them?
- Do you feel hurt or upset after spending time with them?
- Do you feel as if you always have to justify yourself instead of being “natural” around your friend?
- Do you enjoy their company or do you feel ambivalent?
- Do they undermine your confidence and self-esteem?
- Do you feel attacked and used after spending time with them?
- Does the friendship feel unbalanced and require a lot of work?
- Is it more a competition than a genuine friendship?

Note: If you recognize the signs of a toxic friend, then it’s time to move on and find a different friend. Being with this individual will wreak your happiness.

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Qualities of a Winning Personality

1. Exhibit integrity – A person is said to have integrity if what they say and what they do are rooted in the same set of core values.

2. Don’t speak badly of others – If you speak badly about others to a friend, the chances are you’ll also speak badly about them. Hence, they are likely to be hesitant in what they share with you.

3. Be an optimist – This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It means choosing not to dwell on the negatives, and actively looking for the positives.

4. Make the effort to be helpful – Life is so much sweeter if you’re thoughtful and kind – and we rarely forget someone who’s caring and warm.

5. Set some goals and have some ambition - This is an extremely contagious quality. Not only will you achieve higher goals for yourself, you’ll give hope to others, and inspire them to try.

6. Seek to be compassionate and understanding – All of us face battles and experience hard times. Empathising with others when life is tough helps to ease their burden and renew their inner spark.

7. Believe in, love and respect yourself - If you don’t accept, respect and love yourself, then you’ll send out vibes that you’re inadequate. However, it you love, believe in and treat yourself well then it’s likely that others will treat you that way, too.

8. Persist until you succeed – Although ambition is important, it is not enough. You have to persevere if you’re going to succeed. So when you stumble or fall down just get up and start again. Then keep on going till you finally succeed.

9. Be open minded and willing to learn - If you’re closed in your thinking and set in your ways then you’ll never discover a different, better way .. and you’ll close yourself off to other possibilities.

10. Take responsibility for your life - Blaming others for your problems, or acting like a victim won’t help you to move forwards, and have the life you want. Take control of your destiny. Success is up to you.

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The sad truth is there will be some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose for them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure put who are real ones are.
D.J. Maxwell

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Signs of a Toxic Person

1. Nothing you can say or do is good enough
2. They comment on the smallest flaw or perceived imperfection
3. They drag up your past and won’t allow you to be different
4. They act like they are fabulous and never make mistakes
5. They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are
6. They’re critical, controlling and don’t think about your needs
7. They leave you feeling beaten, wounded, battered, bruised and torn
8. They violate your boundaries, and they never respect “no”
9. They don’t care about your feelings – and they like to see you suffer
10. It’s always about them, and what they think, and want, and feel.

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Signs of a Great Person

1. They’re not easily offended, and don’t take things personally
2. They’re accepting, non-judgmental and always want the best for you
3. They respect others’ perspectives, needs and boundaries
4. They listen well to others, and try to see their point of view
5. They’re kind and understanding, warm, respectful and accepting
6. They’re trustworthy and loyal, and they think the best of you

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