Posts tagged friends

Roommates can be divided into the following types:

1. The thoughtless roommates: This is the person who leaves their stuff scattered around the room and never cleans or tidies up after themselves. First, remember that he or she is not deliberately trying to annoy you. However, you need to discuss this or nothing will change. When you do that, don’t come across as being angry and accusatory. Instead, stay casual, warm and friendly. Also, ask if there’s anything you can do to make life easier for them.

2. The “borrower”: This is the person who takes your stuff, and treats your belongings as if they’re also theirs. This can range from something small like a few slices of bread to something more important like your clothes or bike. Clearly, this is NOT OK and needs an open discussion so that everyone is clear as to what the boundaries are.  

3. The explosive flatmate: Often, this type of person seems calm and tolerant – then suddenly blows up over fairly minor things. Yet, we come from different backgrounds – and each person is unique – so different stuff annoys us or becomes an irritant. Here, a frank honest, discussion will often do the trick so that tension doesn’t build, and spoil a good relationship.

4. The irresponsible flatmate: This individual is unreliable and doesn’t seem to care about the impact of their actions. For example, they break stuff and just leave it, or forget to pay the bills … They never see it as their problem, and they just don’t seem to care. This person needs confronting in a firm, respectful way. And if things stay the same – don’t ever share with them again!

5. The ghost roommate: This is the person who is rarely around. They often have a busy life or else they travel with their job. They’re rarely problematic – so be glad that they’re so easy – and enjoy your time together when they happen to be there.

1. Send them an encouraging text or message.

2. Give them some home-baked cookies or some beautifully packaged chocolates.

3.  Send them a card, or leave a handwritten note on their desk.

4.  Offer to do something for them, or to help them with something they are struggling with.

5.  Pay them a (genuine) compliment.

6. Thank or praise them in front of others.

7. Notice, and comment on, their effort and hard work.

8. Offer to pay - instead splitting the bill.

9. Show up to something they’re participating in (a sport, musical performance etc)

10. Be upbeat, positive, and try to make them smile.

1. Exhibit integrity – A person is said to have integrity if what they say and what they do are rooted in the same set of core values.

2. Don’t speak badly of others – If you speak badly about others to a friend, the chances are you’ll also speak badly about them. Hence, they are likely to be hesitant in what they share with you.

3. Be an optimist – This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It meanschoosing not to dwell on the negatives, and actively looking for the positives.  

4. Make the effort to be helpful – Life is so much sweeter if you’re thoughtful and kind – and we rarely forget someone who’s caring and warm.

5. Set some goals and have some ambition - This is an extremely contagious quality.  Not only will you achieve higher goals for yourself, you’ll give hope to others, and inspire them to try.

6. Seek to be compassionate and understanding – All of us face battles and experience hard times. Empathising with others when life is tough helps to ease their burden and renew their inner spark.

7. Believe in, love and respect yourself - If you don’t accept, respect and love yourself, then you’ll send out vibes that you’re inadequate. However, it you love, believe in and treat yourself well then it’s likely that others will treat you that way, too.   

8. Persist until you succeed – Although ambition is important, it is not enough. You have to persevere if you’re going to succeed. So when you stumble or fall down just get up and start again. Then keep on going till you finally succeed.

9. Be open minded and willing to learn - If you’re closed in your thinking  and set in your ways then you’ll never discover a different,  better way .. and you’ll close yourself off to other possibilities.

10. Take responsibility for your life - Blaming others for your problems, or acting like a victim won’t help you to move forwards, and have the life you want. Take control of your destiny. Success is up to you.

1. Don’t engage in the negativity.

2. Hang out in groups.

3. Objectify the comments made. That is, rather than take his/her words personally, recognize that he/she is just offering a point of view.

4. Go with lighter topics to brighten the mood.

5. Limit the amount of time you spend with them.

6. Try to be upbeat around them and show them the positive side of life.

7. If they make you feel bad about yourself, drop them from your life.

Source: http://zenhabits.net/negative/ abridged

1. Remember that honesty is the basis of any healthy relationship, whether with a friend or a significant other. Honesty gives rise to trust, which is absolutely essential.

2. Consider the person with whom you must be honest. If he or she is shy or sensitive, then don’t be brash and to the point. If it is a close friend whom you can tell anything, then inform your friend accordingly. Adapt to your friend’s personality and convey the necessary message properly.

3. Seek a favorable environment for divulging the truth. Don’t tell them something potentially hurtful in front of other people if you can avoid it. People will be able to take your honesty better if they’re not under social pressure. Try to get them alone. Face-to-face is best; it lets the other person read your body language and helps them put your words into emotional perspective.

4. Recognize some potential situations where a response is necessary, and where a white lie might not be reasonable.

·  The “Am I fat?” question. If your friend is being self conscious, and is only a little bit on the big side, then reinforce that belief. Don’t say “You’re not that fat”, as this comes off as sarcastic or insincere. Rather, use a comparative note. Consider, “You are not fat—trust me! There are a ton of people out there that are much bigger than you.”

·  The “Am I ugly?” question. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is subjective! Everyone has different areas of beauty; it’s important to stress these areas. Your friend might not have the most beautiful body, but he or she may have gorgeous eyes, or a smile that stops traffic. Make this clear to your friend or significant other!

·  Your friend wants to break up with his or her significant other. It’s important to stress your opinion, but only if it’s relevant. If you simply do not like your friend’s boyfriend, then don’t use that as an excuse to persuade your friend to end the relationship. If your friend’s boyfriend is abusive, then convince your friend to break up on the grounds that she might get hurt.

5. Give advice constructively. When expressing an opinion that may conflict with that of the other person, particularly if it is about some work that they have produced, focus on the positive aspects of a recommendation, and avoid phrasing it as a mandate. Rather than saying “I don’t like it because…” or “You should do this instead…”, try something like “I think it would help to…” It is also best to mention any positive remarks you may have about the subject before giving advice. This way, the person is less likely to perceive it as an affront on their abilities and is more likely to consider following your advice.

6. Be as specific as possible. Your friend is likely to read more into what you’re saying, because they’ll (sometimes subconsciously) wonder what you left unsaid. So be as exact as possible in telling them what they need to know, and also think about what else they might read into your statement, and proactively tell them when they shouldn’t. This also has the advantage of introducing positive emotions into your statement, which softens the impact.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Honest-Without-Being-Harsh