Posts tagged forgiveness
Posts tagged forgiveness
1. Recognise the importance of forgiving yourself. Not forgiving yourself will deplete your energy, and leave you feeling all chewed up inside. It keeps you living in the past instead of living in the present – so it’s hard to make the most of what’s happening today.
2. Recognise the effects of not forgiving yourself. Those negative emotions like shame and regret are also bad for our long term health – as they undermine and damage a healthy immune system.
3. Name the emotions you are struggling with. Simply naming your emotions can help reduce their power. It brings some order and control into our lives again when we’re hit by overwhelming and negative emotions.
4. Reflect on the fact that we all make mistakes, make foolish decisions and act badly at times. It’s part of being human – you’re an imperfect person. We all do stupid things, and say some things that we regret.
5. Try to let go of other people’s expectations. We can’t please everyone – it’s not going to happen. Decide on your own standards, then try to live by them. Also, if you’re looking for approval you’ll never measure up as you’ll always meet someone who will criticise and judge.
6. Practise self-forgiveness. It’s healthy to acknowledge the regrets that you have – but then you need to be willing to let go of the past – and decide to move forwards - and live life differently.
Experiences can leave us with some painful memories. They tie us to the past and prevent us moving on. And the only way to freedom is to work on letting go – so these memories don’t haunt us or keep us trapped in pain. Below are some guidelines to help you work on this.
1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what happened, in order to move on.
2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson – so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better – but it does lessen its power.
3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by old, painful memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”
4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often, till you mean it, then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when those old memories return.
5. Seek to be a person who’s at peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
6. When the past tries to intrude, focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply - and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; you’re not living in the past.
7. Forgive – for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. It’s not an ease process; it takes work and discipline. But it is worth the daily struggle - as one day you’ll be free.
1. Commit to letting go. You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So commit to changing - simply because you recognize that the pain is hurting you.
2. Think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this person? With others? Does it affect work or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Then think of the benefits of forgiveness — how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general?
3. Realize you have a choice. You cannot control the actions of others. However, you can control your own thoughts and actions. You can choose to stop reliving the hurt. You have the power. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Think about your role and responsibility. Try to figure out if there is any way you might have partially contributed to the situation. Is there anything you can do to prevent the same thing from happening again? This isn’t to say you’re taking the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person. However, we don’t have to live as victims of others either.
5. Focus on the present. Now that you’ve reflected on the past, realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. Bring your focus back to the present. Choose to find joy in what’s happening right now. Don’t allow yourself to relive the past.
Source: http://zenhabits.net/how-to-let-go-and-forgive/ (Adapted)
1. Realise that your bitterness, hatred or resentment doesn’t affect the other person at all. In fact, they may not know how you feel, and if they do, they may not care.
2. Realise the best way to “win” and move on is to live the happiest and best life possible. There’s nothing to match doing something with your life, and feeling satisfied, and enjoying who you are.
3. Look for the silver lining in the cloud, and learn what you can from the bad experience. Often, it can make you a much better person – who is kinder, wiser, and with greater character.
4. Remember the people who were there for you, and who helped you to feel much better about things. Focus on their qualities – and not the other person’s!
5. Be compassionate and understanding with yourself. Emotional wounding always takes its toll on you. It leaves you feeling beaten, and torn up inside.
6. Decide not to think about the story again. You’re hurting yourself more by going over it. Choose to thing about the people who bring joy to your life, and the life experiences that leave you feeling proud.
7. Remember that the meaning of “forgiveness” is “untie” … And you want to be free from that person and the pain. So, decide to untie yourself, and move on with your life.