COUNSELLING BLOG

Posts tagged bullying

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How to Deal with Rejection, or Being Victimised

1. Remind yourself of who you really are – and use positive self-talk to change the way you feel.

2. When you have to speak to someone who outwardly rejects you, or makes you feel bad about yourself, try to act as if you love and feel good about yourself. Fake courageous feelings, and act self confident. (“Fake it till you make it” – and you’ll find your feelings change.)

3. Respond in a friendly, self respecting way – and they’re likely to treat you the same way too.  Control your interactions by setting the tone. You be the one to have the upper hand.

4. Use humour in uncomfortable and awkward situations. Humour defuses tension, and puts people at ease. If someone is rude or insulting try to find a way of turning it into a joke. People who have bullying tendencies expect you to get anger or act in a defensive way. When you respond with humor, they don’t know what to do.

5. Overlook small stuff. It’s not worth get upset over every little thing. They’re not worth the effort and energy.

6. Always believe in yourself. You know the truth about who you really are. You’re not stupid; you’re not a victim. You are one who is charge of your life, and is at the helm of your destiny. You have plenty of things to feel good about, and you’re going to make something really wonderful of life.

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How to Deal with Bullying

1.    Do what you can to avoid the person or people. For example, if it is happening at school find other places to hang out; or find other things to do during breaks or at the start and end of the day. At the same time, try not to make it obvious that you’re avoiding them as the bullies may take that to mean that they are being effective!

2.    Don’t react to the bullying. Stay relaxed and calm. Even if though it hurts - act as if you don’t notice, or as if their comments have no effect on you. Keep your head up high, and walk and act with confidence.

3.    Don’t make any jokes at your own expense as they might take that to mean they can attack you even more.

4.    Don’t attempt to lash back, or insult, the bullies either. Simply turn and walk away – don’t make the situation worse.

5.    Report the bullying to an authority figure. Don’t worry what they think, or about possible revenge. If others are involved it serves to undermines their power.

6.    Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about being bullied. It is incredibly common – and reflects on THEM. Don’t take their words to heart as THEY have problems – it’s not you!

7.    Don’t allow bullies to stop you from going for your goals. Doing well and being successful is a great form of revenge!

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Profile of a Victim

It seems that certain individuals are more likely to be victims – and it’s partly to do with their life experiences. For example, they have often been abused by their parents as children, or they’ve witnessed abusive in their close relationships. Hence, they now find it hard to enforce good boundaries, or to see abuse as wrong, or as something to resist.

Also, the profile a victim shows they generally share the following common traits and characteristics:

·         Low self-esteem and feeling inferior to others; feeling as if they don’t deserve to be valued and respected

·         Feelings of anxiety and insecurity

·         Having a submissive personality

·         Depending on others – psychologically, emotionally and financially

·         Being excessively tolerant and accommodating

·         Believing that they need to be “looked after” or controlled by others

·         Not believing they can cope and succeed on their own

·         Not being able to stand up for their rights; not realizing that they have rights

·         Naively believing (or unrealistically hoping) that one day the abusing individual will change

·         Thinking it’s all their fault

Filed under abuse counselling life online counselling college psychology relationships self esteem therapy victim bullying

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Bullying

Bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour which uses force and coercion to keep others in their place. It can occur between two people, or can be more complex with other children doing the bully’s work, or being forced to comply with his wishes and commands (usually out of fear or a need to belong).

Why do People Bully?

Bullying is often rooted in contempt – and seeing others as inferior to them, and not deserving of value and respect. Thus, most bullies have a sense of entitlement, and believe they have the right to control those around them, or to exclude, isolate or segregate as they please.

Also, most bullies are intolerant of differences. They believe everyone should think exactly as they do, and conform to their wishes, expectations and demands.

Cyberbullying

This is different from other forms of bullying as it’s more insidious and hard to counteract. The most common mediums are instant messaging, e-mail, web sites and social networks (such as tumblr, my space or facebook).

The following statement summarises the heartache and challenges of dealing with cyberbulling ”

“There is little doubt that cyberbullying, which can be the equivalent of “social death” for many young people, is traumatic. It differs from traditional, face-to-face bullying in that it is relentless and public and at the same time anonymous.

Cyberbullying has turned the usual image of the bully on its hea d; it’s no longer only the tough kids who may act aggressively – it can just as easily be the shy, quiet types, hidden behind their computers. Added to this is the potential presence of countless, invisible witnesses and/or collaborators to the cyberbullying, which creates a situation where victims are left unsure of who knows, and whom to fear.

Technology also extends the reach these young people have, enabling them to harass their targets anywhere and at anytime.”

Note: A study by the University of Toronto study, in 2008, revealed that half of the students interviewed admitted being victims of cyberbullying .

How to Handle Bullying

There is no one right way to handle bullying. However, the following suggestions might be helpful to young people:

• Don’t act scared: Stand up straight, look the bully in the eye, and walk away. Also, remember that most bullies hate crowds.
• Work on developing your self-esteem: People tend to respect those who believe in themselves.
• Tell a supportive adult: They bring power and authority into the situation.
• Avoid the places where bullies hang out: For example, don’t walk along school corridors alone. Experiment with taking different routes to school.
• Document anything that happens: What, when and where the bullying occurred.

How to Handle Cyberbullying

It can be hard to escape from cyberbullying because technology is central to our lives today. Some suggestions to help young people include:

• If you receive a derogatory, hostile or threatening message, leave the online site (social network, game, chat room, instant messaging, and so on).
• Block all messages from that person and do NOT respond to their comments. (That is what the person is hoping you will do.)
• Tell an understanding adult (such as a parent or teacher).
• If the bully attends your school, your parents could meet with the school principal and ask them to intervene on your behalf.
• If bullying takes the form of text messages, save the message and contact cell phone service provider. Most cell phone providers have Acceptable Use Policies (AUPs). These provide guidelines for dealing with customers who violate their AUPs.
• Alternatively, save the message and report any online harassment and threats to the police. Some of these may be deemed to be criminal acts. Also, in many countries it is crime to publish a “defamatory libel”. This is writing insulting messages or something which could injure a p

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