1. Make sure you’re feeling in control, emotionally, before raising the issue. You don’t want to react (or over-react). You want to remain calm, and to come across as being balanced and reasonable.
2. Choose an appropriate time and place for the discussion.
3. Confrontations usually put people on the defensive. Therefore, begin the conversation by expressing your positive intentions. Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. These should be open and warm, not aggressive and attacking.
4. Choose your words carefully. Describe specific, identifiable behaviours. Don’t label people.
5. Describe the effects of the behaviour. For example, when you do (x or y), it tends to lead to (z).
6. Take responsibility for your own feelings and reactions. Use “I” language. For example, I feel angry, put down, and written off.
7. Make the focus what you WANT, not what you DON’T want.
8. Ask the person for their input, suggestions and ideas - and then wait and listen for their perspective. If you can co-operate together, the outcome is likely to be much more successful and positive.