1. Pay attention to time and place. It’s better to deal with things privately, and when neither person is stressed, or pushed for time.
2. Be respectful – and give thought to the words that you are using. Don’t attack, blame or shame or use profane, abusive language. (Often “it’s not what you say; it’s the way that you say it.”)
3. Don’t just pile on the negatives, or list all your grievances, hurts and complaints. Make sure you mention things you are grateful for, and things that are good, and are not going wrong.
4. Try to keep to the topic or your point will lose its focus. It’s easier to deal with one thing at a time.
5. Related to this, try to be specific – and not vague and general. Also, name the emotions you are feeling at the time. I
6. Keep control of your emotions, and try to stay calm. Very little will be gained if you start to lose your cool.
7. It’s not about winning and being seen as being right. The goal should be “improving your relationship”
8. Finally, remember that anger often masks and covers hurt – and is actually a sign that the person’s seeking love. So work on building empathy and deepening your love.