1. You can tell that they are trustworthy; you feel safe with them.
2. They demonstrate unconditional acceptance, genuineness and empathy.
3. They try to understand things from your perspective.
4. You can tell that they are for you.
5. They believe in you. They have a sense of hope and confidence in your ability to change, or find a solution that will work for you.
6. They give you their full and undivided attention when you are sharing with them. (They never seem impatient, disinterested or distracted.)
7. They listen without interrupting.
8. In a counselling session, you do around 90% of the talking; they only talk about 10% of the time.
9. You can tell they are interested in what you have to say. What matters to you also matters to them. You set the agenda – not them.
10. They help you to find your own solutions instead of giving advice or telling you what you should do.
11. They are warm, calm, sensitive, caring, open, patient and concerned.
12. You feel that you can be your true self when you are with them. You don’t feel judged, criticised or written-off.
13. You get the sense that they respect and like who you are.
14. You feel valued by them; they see you as the expert on your own life.
15. They are comfortable with silence.