1.   “I know how you feel.”

-  No-one really knows how another person feels.

- It sound patronizing and lacking in empathy.

- It limits exploration of the client’s feelings, and understanding more fully how things appear to them.

2.  “It will be all right.”

-  How do you know that it will be all right? Your assumptions could be totally wrong.

- It sounds superficial, insincere and lacking in compassion and empathy.

- It sends the message that you don’t want to listen any longer – so the client is prevented from working through their pain.

 3.   “If I were you I would …”

- It isn’t about the counsellor; it is all about the client and what will work for them.

- It minimizes how complex and difficult this is … and sends the message that problem is trivial and easy.

- Counselling is NOT about giving advice. The aim is “to explore to better understand” and then helping the client to choose what they will do.

 4.   “You should have/ you shouldn’t have …”

- The counsellor should be non-judgmental and accepting. Yet this is both judgmental and super critical.

- It is subtly guilt-tripping the client for their choice – and they don’t have to please or explain themselves to you.

- It limits problem-solving and dis-empowers the client.

 5.  “Wow. That’s terrible!”

-  A comment like this can keep the client stuck as they now feel bogged down by “how awful things are.”

- Without intending to, it frames the client as a victim and takes away their power and autonomy.

- It keeps the focus on the past, and helps the client escape from their current and their future responsibilitie