Psychology Today defines mindfulness as “a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

Initially, this seems like very good advice, and numerous papers have extolled the benefits of living in the moment, and focusing on now. Also, we create a lot of stress when we fixate on “what ifs” … for most of the time they don’t happen in the end … so our fretting and worrying are just a waste of time.

And we can’t change the past: what’s done is done. There’s nothing we can do to reverse the wheels of time. Regrets just keep us stuck and tied to painful memories. They stop us moving forwards and creating a new life.     

But only focusing on now has certain limitations, too. For sometimes it is helpful to think of what’s ahead. We need a dose of realism to cope with challenges, and to plan the steps to take when life’s chaotic, and a mess.

For example, perhaps you’ve just been told that your mother has Alzheimer’s. That’s going to mean huge changes and require decision making. You’ll want to know the prognosis … and to think through likely needs … and the role that you will play … and other help that she might need. Doing this is empowering as you’re facing the hard truth, and planning in advance how to deal with what’s ahead. But if you focus on the now and all your different thoughts and feelings it will likely interfere with your ability to cope.

Hence, this is one situation where a mindful approach may not be as adaptive as a future-focused one.