The eight most hated personality traits include the following:
Arrogance – This is the know it all who looks down on others. They’re haughty, superior and proud.
Rudeness – This includes being impolite, offensive, or embarrassing … and disregarding social norms and rules.
Being domineering and overbearing – This individual like to take control of others, and dictate situations and events. They disregard the input and the feelings of others. It’s all about them, and what they think and want to do.
Dishonesty – This is one of the most hated traits as it undermines trust – the glue that binds relationships. And once trust has been lost it is hard to regain
Being moody and temperamental – It is hard to relate to temperamental individuals. They’re changeable, erratic and unpredictable. It can destroy the peace, put everyone on edge, and leave you feeling tired, worn out and drained.
Unreliability – This also undermines and destroys the sense of trust that’s critical for forming good, and strong, relationships. You don’t know where you are – or if the plans will later change. Hence, it’s hard to feel at ease – or to delegate to others.
Being overly dependent / always needing support – It’s exhausting when you always have to be there for others – to protect them from life’s blows and rebuild their self-esteem. You can’t just be yourself or focus solely on your life. You have to bolster them, and affirm their strengths and worth.
Pessimism – We all feel negative and fed up at times. But the pessimist can never see the sun, or silver lining. They never stop complaining, are grumpy or mad, and very quickly sap any energy you had.
“I go through phases. Some days I feel like the person I’m supposed to be, and then some days I turn into no one at all. There is both me and my silhouette. I hope that on the days you find me and all I am are darkened lines, you still are willing to be near me.”—Mary Kate Teske
1. First, recognise that not everyone is like you. We have different likes and dislikes, we want different things, and we all see people and the world in different ways. Hence, it is natural that sometimes people will be upset, offended, or react differently from what we expected. It’s not necessarily personal – it’s more a reflection of the fact that we all are different.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintances so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we just have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
1. Recognize that you have choices. Usually people-pleasers feel as if they don’t have a choice, and they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. But you DO have a choice – and it’s Ok to say no.
2. Decide on your priorities. If you already have commitments or you have set priorities then it’s easy to say no as you’ve a genuine “excuse”. Do what matters most to you, and please remember - it’s your life!
3. Stall for time – don’t give an answer right away. Say you need a bit of time before you make up your mind. That allows you time and space to think about the consequences. For other things will likely suffer if you take on far too much.
4. Don’t be afraid to add conditions to your yeses. For example, say that you’ll only say yes if someone else says yes as well – or only take on a new task for a set period of time.
5. Are you being manipulated? There are plenty who will use you to ensure their plans succeed, so watch out for those compliments and empty flattery.
6. Be firm when you say no. The first time you say no it feels uncomfortable and hard. But once you’ve done that a few times it starts to feel much easier. Also, if you sound confident then others take you seriously.
7. Don’t defend you decision. You have a right to say no – and to NOT defend yourself. It’s your life after all - you don’t have to explain “why” … or come up with excuses … or be pushed and pressurised. And don’t apologise to others - saying no is not a crime!
“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever.”—Lemony Snicket
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?” This lets the person know it’s not a good time. However, you also convey your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.
3. “I’d love to do this, but …” This is a gentle way of saying no. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea but I can’t take part due to other reasons, such as prior commitments.
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this.
5. “This doesn’t fit with what I’m looking for now - but I’ll keep you in mind.” Sometimes it is just best to turn the person/ offer down. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on and on.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?” Again, sometimes it is best to say you’re the wrong person to help etc. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on instead.
7. “No, I can’t.” The simplest and most direct way to say no.
1. No matter how long it takes, and how beaten down you are, refuse to give in, or to relinquish your dream. Just get up one more time and then decide to try again.
2. We all slip up, and encounter obstacles. Just determine to keep going, and to get on track again. It doesn’t mean it’s over. It’s all part of the course.
3. We all need support and encouragement in life – so eliminate the negative, or toxic, influences. You don’t need those people who are quick to criticise, and don’t really help you to move closer to your dream.
4. Surround yourself with people who are similar to you, who have the same ambitions, outlooks and points of view. They’ll help to spur you onwards, and provide support you need.
5. Be inspired by other people who overcame defeat … who built a life from nothing … or turned their life around. Learn from their perseverance, and their will to succeed.
6. Imagine how you’ll feel when you’ve reached the goal you’ve set. Try and picture what you’ll look like, and how your life will be.
“Often we fall in love with a person we think we love only to discover that, for them, we are just someone to pass time with. And all the while, the person who truly loves us either remains a stranger or a casual friend. So here’s a piece of advice: don’t settle for the person who’s only passing time. Take your time, and be sure. Your life is too precious to waste on the wrong person.”—
“I think that you find your own way. You have your own rules. You have your own understanding of yourself, and that’s what you’re going to count on. In the end, it’s what feels right to you … Not what anybody else tells you.”—Meryl Streep
“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”—Mitch Albom
1. Begin by imagining your dreams have come true. What would your life look like? What would you be doing? How would you be making money? Where would you be living? What would you be doing in your spare time? What sorts of people would you be with?
2. Try reading some inspirational blogs, autobiographies or self help books. Often those help to uncover our passions, and the kind of person we really want to be.
3. Surround yourself with positive and motivated people … Those who know what they want and are consciously going after it.
4. Take up a hobby that really interests you. There’s usually a reason that we’re drawn to that.
5. Ask other people who know you well, what they think would suit your personality. You’ll often be surprised by the kinds of things you learn.
6. Decide to “face your fears and do it anyway”. Don’t live a narrow life because you’re plagued by fear.
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”—Jodi Picoult
1. Treat other people with understanding and respect – and usually you will find they do the same for you, too. But even if they don’t, you’ll leave a positive impression, and others will notice you’re a quality person.
2. Be courteous and polite – it doesn’t take much extra effort. But your “pleases” and your “thank yous” will help to open doors for you.
3. Be warm and pleasant, smile and spread some joy around. Choose to be more optimistic, laugh, and share some happiness.
4. Try to work well with others when you’re part of a team. No-one likes a headstrong person who just wants things done their way. Pull your weight, co-operate, and share the credit with the team.
5. Apologize when you need to – as we all make some mistakes. And you’ll find that others like those who admit when they are wrong.
6. Compliment other people in a real and genuine way. We all have things that we are proud of. Praise the good – don’t criticize.
7. Listen well and show an interest in what others have to say. It sends the message “you’re important”, builds a bridge, and shows you care.