“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”—Wayne Dyer
1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.
2. Say “exactly” what you mean.
3. Don’t be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak badly about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dreams.
7. Don’t be afraid to say “no”.
8. Don’t be afraid to say “yes”.
9. Resist the need to always have control.
10. Stay away from drama and negativity – as much as possible.
Source: Lessons Learned in Life
1. First, recognise that not everyone is like you. We have different likes and dislikes, we want different things, and we all see people and the world in different ways. Hence, it is natural that sometimes people will be upset, offended, or react differently from what we expected. It’s not necessarily personal – it’s more a reflection of the fact that we are different.
2. Try and leave your emotions aside and objective analyse the situation. Ask yourself: “Is this person’s reaction triggering something me?” It could be that you are over-reacting to a perceived rejection because of previous hurts, put downs and rejections. Alternatively, the other person’s reaction could be more related to what is going on in their life at the time (rather than being a personal rejection of you.)
3. Be alert to over-generalising and over-personalising. For example, look out for the tendency to think things like that “That means I’m a terrible person, and no-one likes me” or “I never do anything right. I always say and do the wrong thing. I’m always going to get it wrong and be rejected by everyone.”
4. Look for friendships and affirmation in other places. It’s wise to have a wide range of friends and acquaintance so that our self-image and self-esteem aren’t tied into how a few key people treat us, or react towards us.
5. Accept that snubs and rejections are part of life. We can’t please all of the people all of the time – we can only please some of the people some of the time. And while it’s wise to check to see if we display certain habits, traits or behaviors that often annoy others (and it is wise to work on changing those), at the end of the day we have to be ourselves. We can’t spend our lives walking on egg shells, or trying to be someone we were never meant to be.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.”—Tupac Shakur
“From the very beginning you are being told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease. It is like a cancer that goes on destroying your very soul because each individual is unique, and comparison is not possible.”—Osho
“There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. There will always be people in your life who will try to make you miserable. Don’t help them by doing the job yourself!”—Laurell K. Hamilton
“Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and only become bigger and bigger. But when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You are only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending you’re perfect and walk into freedom.”—Rick Warren
“Everyone makes mistakes in life but that doesn’t mean they have to pay for them the rest of their life. Sometimes good people make bad choices. That doesn’t mean they’re bad. It means they’re human.”—I Love Quotes
1. Talk to someone: Sharing how we feel helps to reduce the inner tension (but make sure it is someone who cares about your feelings).
2. Work on improving your self-esteem: Self-esteem is the way you see and feel about yourself … and there are lots of lots of things that undermine our self esteem. For example, experiencing a break up, putting on unwanted weight, doing badly on a test or being excluded by our friends. It’s important that we keep on working on our self-esteem by treating ourselves well and noticing when we succeed (instead of noticing the negatives).
3. Manage your stress levels: If we’re always feelings stressed then it’s hard to cope with life. We tend to over react and have a negative mind set … which drains us of our energy and saps our will to fight. So take a look at your lifestyle and see what you can drop. You may be doing too much, and don’t have time to relax.
4. Make the time and effort to enjoy yourself: Doing things that we enjoy helps to improve the way we feel. So build in little things like having coffee with a friend, or going to a game, or taking time to watch some sports.
5. Choose a healthy life style: Pay attention to your diet and how much you exercise; try to limit alcohol, and don’t deprive yourself of sleep.
6. Develop good relationships: Do your friends make you happy? Do you enjoy their company? Are they kind of people with your best interests at heart? Do they treat you with respect and help to boost your self-esteem? If not, then work on finding new relationships!
“I’m a person that has high highs and low lows … A lot of things make me sad. Sometimes it’s almost easier to be sad. But you end up finding a balance and I think that as I get older I am learning what I can do for myself to make me happy.”—Mary-Kate Olsen
Self-loathing, also known as “autophobia” or self-hatred”, is a thought pattern where individuals believe they are inferior, bad, worthless, unlovable, or incompetent. It is associated with low self-esteem and low self worth. Other symptoms of self-loathing include chemical dependency, alcohol & drug abuse, self-harm, self-destructive promiscuity, fits of rage and dissociation.
Self-loathing is one of the central characteristics of people who suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder. It is also common in those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Self-loathing is common among people who grew up in an unsupportive family environment where there was child abuse, neglect, emotional trauma or chronic criticism.
It can be something that appears from time to time, or it may be suddenly triggered by disappointments, struggles, painful memories or anxiety about the future. These triggers can create an overwhelming flood of feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and powerlessness - which can lead to self-destructive behaviors, emotional withdrawal or aggressive behaviors.
Examples of statements indicating self-loathing include:
“When it comes to being gentle, start with yourself. Don’t get upset with your imperfections. Being disappointed by failure is understandable, but it shouldn’t turn into bitterness or spite directed at yourself.”—St. Frances de Sales
1. Refuse to see yourself in all-or-nothing terms (as you’re not all good and you’re not all bad)
2. Refuse to let the past define you
3. Refuse to let mistakes and weaknesses define you
4 .Refuse to let your scars and your pain define you
5. Refuse to let rejection define you
6. Refuse to let others peoples’ opinions define you
7. Believe you can be free, and have a different life
8. Imagine yourself free – being who you’d like to be
9. Whenever the old thoughts and emotions overwhelm, think of this new you, and a new future instead
10. Take one small step and choose to walk towards that better life and future you’ve chosen for yourself.
1. Spend time with contented people, and those who are grateful for what they have in life.
2. Choose to celebrate the good things in life, even when things are tough, or much harder than you’d like.
3. Brighten up the lives of others you encounter with random acts of kindness – and helping when you can.
4. Be the kind of person who often “plays it forward” and is caring, understanding, patient, warm and generous.
5. Live in the moment and just enjoy “right now” – and be fully present with the people in your life.
6. Think of all the people who have helped along the way, and added to your life, or have been a source of joy.
7. Make a list of all the list things that you are thankful for – from a sunset, to hot chocolate, to a warm bed to sleep in.
1. Sanguine: The person with this type of personality is impulsive, pleasure-seeking, outgoing, warm, friendly, sociable and charismatic. They tend to enjoy social events, meeting new people and making new friends. They are often lively, energetic and enthusiastic. They are also creative and imaginative. However, sanguine individuals are also sensitive, empathic and compassionate. On the downside, they may struggle with following tasks through to completion, good time keeping, being organised and remembering things.
2. Choleric: The person with this type of personality is ambitious, driven and likes to take control. They are often marked by energy, passion, determination, a clear focus and firm commitment to goals. They tend to dominate others and like to have their own way. On the downside, they may be impatient, intolerant of those who do things differently, and may be subject to mood swings.
3. Melancholic: The person with this type of personality is a deep thinker, who takes life seriously, and feels deeply about the things that matter to them. They are usually introverted, and very private, people. On the downside, they have a tendency to over-think problems, or to worry excessively about fairly minor things. They are usually independent, self-reliant, have strong principles and tend to be a bit of a perfectionist.
4. Phlegmatic: The person with this type of personality is laid back, relaxed, kind, contented and happy to go with the flow. They are non-judgmental, accepting, peace loving and flexible. On the downside, they may be viewed as lazy and lacking in passion, direction and energy. The phlegmatic person makes a wonderful friend!
1. Try to give it form and to put it into words. Don’t allow it to be shapeless as that’s harder to resolve.
2. Agree that you will look at it and not ignore the pain - as any unexpressed emotions lead to problems later on.
3. Avoid triggers and memories that take you back in time, and open up old wounds, so you feel the pain again.
4. Ground yourself in the present and who you are today – and remember you have strengths, and good people in your life.
5. Don’t allow the hurt and pain to take control of who you are, or limit what you’ll do, or the goals you set yourself.
6. Spend as much time as possible with those who treat you well – with those who see your worth, and who love and value you.